Glamour's 20 Wedding Do's and Don'ts

We here at Flaming Tulle are on holiday break, but that doesn't mean our minds aren't on blogging. It just means we're not sitting in front of computers. Vicky has parents, in-laws, and a toddler to deal with. I found out a week ago that I have to move to D.C. by the end of January so I'm in the throes of moving madness.

But weddings are still on our minds, at least part-time. While sitting around this morning half working, half waiting for maintenance guys to pop in, half flipping through tv channels, I came across Glamour's 20 Wedding Do's and Don'ts on the Style channel. While it's partly a montage of celebrities and celebrity designers and quippy sound bites, they're actually giving some good advice. Don't make your bridesmaids spend a lot of money on ugly dresses. Did you know that even Vera Wang has a closet full of ugly bridesmaids dresses? Make sure your veil doesn't look like mosquito netting. If you splurge on your dress, make sure you don't skimp in another important aspect of the wedding. One person noted that a $15K wedding dress and a cash bar are incredibly tacky. That same person noted that men should buy their tuxedoes: If you're grown up enough to get married, you're grown up enough to own a tuxedo. (They can be affordable! For serious! They're often cheaper than wedding dresses.)

And of course, what celebrity wedding discussion would be complete without mention of one of my absolute favorite wedding dresses, the Gwen Stefani gown. It's still tops on everyone's list for all-time great gowns. It's beautiful and actually quite big and pouffy while still complementing the style of the woman who's wearing it.

If you get a hankering for one of those end of the year countdown shows, Glamour's 20 Wedding Do's and Don'ts is an entertaining hour.

Things are Not Always What They Seem

This dress just won an award for design. It's beautifully detailed don't you think? Do you know what it is made from?




Would you be shocked if I said it was toilet paper? It just goes to show that weddings don't have to be uber-serious affairs. If the dress of your dreams just happens to be made out of some Mr. Whipple-endorsed product then so be it. Congratulations to Hanah Kim for winning Cheap Chic Weddings T.P. Dress Design contest!

I for one, am amazed at these creations. You can check our more winners from past years and runners up here.

Holiday Wedding Favors

Favors, not thoroughly condoned here at Flaming Tulle (we feel they can be unnecessary items that just make you crazy and spend extra money), are never the less a booming industry all their own in the wedding world. In fact, there is a whole line of just holiday themed favors out there too. Here are just a few. We know it's late in the game for this holiday season but perhaps next year?

1. Make a CD of holiday music. You can buy Cd's in the holiday colors of your choosing or even order them from sites like this. You can design the music, covers and the actual CD. It's actually a not so horrible idea.

2. Snowflake guest soap anyone? Or how about coasters? Find them here.

3. Visit the Stocking Factory for custom ornaments and thank yous.



4. OK I just don't get this one. Best in Favors has a cheese grater? Call it 'One Grate Love'. That's um... cheesy.

5. Bells, tiny Menorahs, Snowmen and more can be cut out or put on the table in ornament and figurine form. Done.

6. Cookies, candy and truffles in bags or boxes in your holiday's colors can make the occasion and table favorable. No pun intended. OK maybe just a little bit.

7. Cookie cutters tied up with string. Or ribbon. Whatever. It's your choice and favor!

8. Votive candles can even be holidayized into favors for your wedding.

9. Go cheap and give people candy canes! They come in bulk right? Be really cheap and get the tiny ones that come in strings like banks give out. Ha!

10. Just forget favors all together and get this cake topper instead. It says it all.

Wedding How-To Books

When I'm stuck for inspiration on what to write here I turn to the New York Times wedding pages. All those fancy society weddings make me feel so deliciously snarky. Plus they have a pretty good archive of "field note" articles pertaining to wedding planning, like this one:

Books Strew the Path to the Altar
By ABBY ELLIN
Published: March 11, 2007
To be sure she is hitched without a glitch, Sarah Cartwright has spent $150 for books on advice, planning and etiquette for her wedding on June 7.

Being a budget-conscious bride who's also a book-ophile, I was conflicted about that $150 price tag. I'd love to spend that much money on books. I myself purchased a couple books to help get me started with my planning. (I literally had no idea how to start planning a wedding.) But your head will spin and nothing will get planned if you take every bit of advice literally. If you are a book person on a budget you can get away with one or two books, and then everything else you need to know is instinct. Or for free online somewhere. (I've always thought that how-to-save-money books should start with the line, "If you're on a budget, then I hope you got this book from the library or used bookstore instead of paying full retail price for it.")

There's no question that wedding book publishing has become part of the Wedding Industry, so much so that there are anti-bride guide books and books criticizing the other books. And any celebrity can slap her name and picture on a book and make the reader feel like intimate celebrity wedding secrets are being shared.

My books. Someone gave me a wedding crafts book. I purchased an Anti-Bride guide and "Everything Weddings on a Budget," both of which I recently gave away to another bride. I also bought "Emily Post on Etiquette" and "Emily Post on Weddings," just for the olde-timey fun of it. It seems like a fairly paltry collection compared to some brides, but they provided more information than I ended up using.

What wedding books are you using?

Book Review- Gone with the Groom

We don’t review many items here at Flaming Tulle unless you count wedding favor ideas. So when author Janice A. Thompson’s PR people asked if I would like to review her latest book, Gone with the Groom, I thought- Whew! A post topic I don’t have to come up with myself. Ha. Really, I thought what a wonderful idea! I love reading and I love weddings so a book about a wedding mystery might be fun!

First things first, don’t read the acknowledgements. I did and I quickly figured out the story line and outcome of the book. I also noticed that all the chapter titles were song titles and that this book is serious on sap. There’s lots of ‘feel the love’ goodness as well as ‘I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family....’ stuff going on here. Annie the main character and MOB (mother of the bride) is quite possibly the most laid back MOB I’ve ever heard about. She is the quiet in the storm when the groom goes missing and the wedding plans begin to fall apart just like her daughter Brandi falls apart. A bride would be hard pressed to find a better MOB than Annie. I enjoyed the little tidbits of advice she gives to other MOB’s throughout the book a lot. All of it is very good and accurate.

This Christian-based book is high on fluff and good feelings. I struggled with how some parts of the book seemed unrealistic, but overall the book’s pace is quick and the writing is good. I read a lot of mysteries and I’ve read books by bigger authors (Patterson) whose characters become mythic in proportions as the writing goes downhill with each formulaic twist and turn. Gone with the Groom does not do that. The plot is fun and the characters are enjoyable and it will easily pass your time. Gone with the Groom is the second installment in Thompson’s collection of Annie Patterson mysteries. Her books remind me of Diane Mott Davidson’s a bit and I found myself liking Annie purely based on the fact that she reminded me a lot of Davidson’s mystery solving caterer Goldy. I devour those books like candy so Thompson is in good company creating a character akin to Goldy.

Gone with the Groom is a fun, easy read. It’s engaging and might help a bride or two relax and take a breather from all her own planning hullabaloo. I recommend picking up a copy if you like mysteries on the light side of things.

You can purchase this book and other wedding books here.

Thank-you Notes and Zazzle

I have a confession to make. I still have five thank-you notes left to send. I don't know why I'm procrastinating on these, but I'll probably get around to writing them out this afternoon. I just ordered my holiday cards and I vowed all the thank-you notes would be sent before any holiday cards.

I'd been trying to get custom-printed cards made from one of my favorite wedding photos. I tried two different companies, Qoop and Snapfish, and I wasn't happy with either one. Thank goodness I bought just one of each card to test. It was costly, but less costly than getting 50 cards I'd be unhappy with. I resigned myself to buying plain old cards or stationary.

But I wanted something custom-made. I don't know why it was so important to me. It just was. What's a girl to do? I turned to Zazzle.com for stamps. I used a photo of my bouquet and turned it into a beautifal stamp to use on all my thank-you notes. The stamp is a small thing, but it meant a lot to me. So my mom was the only person who noticed. At least someone did. Buying the stamps was a little gift to myself. I worked hard to pull off a great wedding. I deserved my own stamp.

And in the end I found some beautiful stationary in a book store in San Francisco's Japantown. Everyone still got a nice personal note. (Well, everyone except those five pending.)

Featured Bride Ashley- Creating New Holiday Traditions

The holiday season is the time to get together with friends and family. Now that you are engaged and in full wedding planning mode you realize that you have to now plan around two families. It's not just your own that you celebrate with now. We asked Ashley, our Featured Bride, to tell us how she and her fiance Brad are dealing with this.

Vicky- Since you and Brad have been together how do you celebrate the holidays?

Ashley- For the last few years Thanksgiving has been a combined family event. With both sets of parents and my sister and brother-in-law close it has been easy to spend the holidays together. This year my mom cooked most of Thanksgiving dinner. Heather and John, Brad and I, Nancy, and Millie and Oz all went over to my mom and dad’s house. Everyone brought something to dinner so mom wasn’t overwhelmed. Millie and Oz had to travel the farthest (15 miles). It was really laid back between the appetizers, dinner, football, conversation and desert. The ladies chatted and naturally the men spent the day watching football. Two were even caught napping between dinner and desert but I won’t name any names (Brad and John).

I’m thinking until I get a bigger house, it will probably be like that unless someone else opts to host dinner. Mom and Dad have a big house that is open and works well for entertaining so everyone has room to move and the parking is really easy, not so much at my house.

V- It seems as if you and Brad have mastered Thanksgiving pretty well. It's nice that the families combine so easily. What about Christmas?

A- Christmas has also been pretty much the same for the last few years. On Christmas Eve, my family and Brad go over to the Lucke’s Christmas Party (friends of the family) for a few hours. I typically wave good-bye around 10:15 as I have to head off to the church to be part of the church choir for midnight mass at 11. After church we all head home and sleep (yea right its Christmas eve – who can sleep?!).

On Christmas morning Brad and I head over to my parent’s house for brunch and presents. Later that day we head up to Brad’s parents house for dinner and presents. This works well for Heather and John (Ashely's sister and BIL)as they go down to John’s parent’s house for dinner on Christmas Day. John’s parents always go up to New Jersey to see family on Thanksgiving so it isn’t an issue for them. I guess we are lucky that both sets of parents live close. I think it will work that way until someone else comes up with another idea of how they want to do the holidays.

V- Wow! That's great! Have you started any new traditions together?

A- The only new tradition we have is that on Christmas Day at my parent’s house, we put everyone’s names in a hat and pick a name. On New Years day we get together and give our “New Years Baby Present” to the person we chose out of the hat. You are only allowed to spend the amount of what the upcoming year is (i.e. $20.08 for next year) and the presents have to be fun. It’s like a Secret Santa but for New Years. I actually started that tradition about 5 or 6 years ago.

V- That is a good idea! It's nice to hear that not everyone has family issues with the holidays which can cause added stress on the engaged couple. Any new developments on the wedding front? What's coming up as we enter into 2008?

A- As far as planning for the wedding, we have a lot to accomplish in the next few months. I’m waiting for my mom’s revised guest list. I told her to consider removing some names – we were over 200 people on the list already.and we need to order the invitations in the next 2 weeks.

In December I have to call the florist to set up an appointment. I am waiting on a call back from my priest so we can finish the church requirements. We have to find out the results of our communication tool and to set the order for actual ceremony. Once that is done I have to see my music director about the music for the ceremony but she is in full on Christmas mode so I will meet with her after the holidays are over. I’m not worried she is my music director and my vocal teacher.

My first dress fitting needs to be arranged in January. I’ve started putting together a rough bridal registry which we will do just after the first of the year. Plus there is so much more! I guess I’m not really stressed because I’m focused on Christmas right now.

V- Well, let us know what we can do here for you and me personally. I am a bridesmaid after all! At least you aren't having any new wedding nightmares! We will check back with you after the holidays and talk about that registry!

Say Yes to the Dress- Recap- Part Deux

I know. How can I possibly keep watching this show? My husband cringes, mutters under his breath and leaves the room when Say Yes to the Dress comes on the TV. I DVR it now and watch it when he's not around. Why do I continue to watch a show with absolutely no plot, no fascinating characters, no drama (they try but ehh) and is basically a veritable white-out on screen?

Simply put, I love wedding gowns. All types. Even the ugly ones. I like to see the new styles and I even like the crinkly sound the plastic bags make when they are plucked from the warehouse racks. I could care less if Claudia is fired or what sort of drama might be happening in Audrey's life to make her hair look so disheveled at times. I admit I do love Keasha. I would want her helping me find my dress. The brides themselves are boring. Even that Dad who was convinced another girl had his daughters dress. Relax dude. Heads do not need to roll over a dress! To me they are just the bit players and the real star of the show is obviously the dress. Do I care that it is just one big advertisement for Kleinfeld's? Not really. It is but I'm never going there. I wouldn't because a.) I don't live in NY and b.) I think it's stupid to FLY to buy a dress from a store that doesn't actually MAKE your dress. If they MADE dresses it would be a different story. Their designers? Whatever. Go to Italy. Go to David's Bridal. Do what you can and want.

Speaking of that what is with all these brides choosing that corset Like A Virgin dress? Ugh. I want to propel myself into their living rooms in 2025 and ask them if they still think they should have said yes to that dress. Talk about dating themselves. It's going to be like one of those pearl drop headpieces circa 1986 looking back at them with a puff-sleeved dress. No one looked good in that. Not even Laura Spencer on General Hospital. I digress though.

I keep watching Say Yes to the Dress. I won't miss it when it's gone but it's a nice filler while folding laundry late at night. Wedding gowns are a thing of beauty and dreams. They are wishful thinking and transformations. It cheers me to see families cry over a thing of beauty that is their child in a massive piece of "crinkled paper" confection. I love seeing the grandmothers from the old country see their American grand-daughter all decked out. In this way I'm a total sucker for sap.

Creating the Guest List

Yeah! You are engaged! Congratulations! Now let’s get started on planning that wedding! One of the first things you and your affianced need to consider is the guest list. Why? Simply put you need to know how many people might be at this shindig to determine your budget and other items such as space size for the ceremony, the reception and a head count for the caterers. So how do you pair down that guest list when you and your joint families want to invite everyone from the dog walker to your elementary school teacher?

First, keep a level head. Everyone on both sides of each of your families is excited about this big event. They want to invite everyone just like you do to share in this special day. That is all well and good if you have an unlimited budget. Traditionally whoever foots the bill for the wedding has the most say but these days with the couple and the families pitching in it makes this line a bit more blurred. If you are like most people you need to be a bit more realistic and the guest list is a great place to start. Do you want a small or a large wedding? Have you picked a venue? How many people can it hold? Stick to your guns about this if at all possible. I mean it. If you can’t afford a large wedding don’t run yourself into debt just so your fiancé’s third cousin’s old school chum can join in the fun. Ditto for those friends you haven’t seen or kept in touch with in the last few years.

Go ahead and use The Knot’s Guest List Manager and fill out the easy to use template. It helped me a great deal. It’s a great way to actually see who you want to invite, who your families want to attend and divide the guest list up in concise lists. It even allows you to update RSVP’s. It also helps you out in putting people in categories like the A list, B list and C list. Harsh perhaps but it works. My mother wanted to invite great aunts and uncles who I hadn’t seen since the age of four and they immediately were deemed C list. What is also great about a template like this is that when someone from the A list RSVP’s no you can immediately invite a B list person and no one is the wiser. You will be amazed how your small wedding balloons to a rather large affair so having this type of template really keeps one organized.

You can also look at your guest list in another way. Keep all the family on the list and start pairing down your colleagues and/or friends. Sure it would be nice to invite each college roommate you ever had, but if you haven’t talked to them in the last few years it will be alright if the invite isn’t extended. They will understand. It might be nice to invite that fun guy from accounting but he won’t be offended if he doesn’t get to enjoy the Electric Slide during your reception. You can also eliminate children if you want to go that route. This might take care of some parents as well. Again stick to your guns if you say no to children or it could cause a major conflict on the big day.

The best thing to do is to know that this is one of the hardest parts about planning your wedding. Do it early and be steadfast. Sit down with your fiancé and make your lists. Ask your individual families to create their list. Call this a wish list if you must because these lists will be a compilation of everyone you would just love to have at your event. Then pick a number that you can afford to have at the event and begin pairing it down. It might prove easier than you think. Always go over the lists with your fiancé and keep in touch with your families on the updated lists. If needed ask your families not to extend verbal invitations to anyone. That is an easy way to create drama later.

Finally, remember this as you begin your guest list overhaul. A wedding is a celebration of your love for each other but it is not supposed to make you bankrupt nor is it the time or place to catch up with people you haven’t seen since pre-school or your high school drama club. Save that for actual reunions.

http://www.theknot.com/keywords/sc_164_527.shtml

Trash the Dress!

Recently I participated in Trash the Dress, a growing project that many photographers are taking part in. Now worldwide Trash the Dress is typically done the week after a wedding has taken place. The bride gets back into ‘the’ dress and well, trashes it. Photos are done in water, under water, in the dirt or just plain out in the open without a care as to what happens to the dress. There’s even been a dumpster dive. When a photographer friend of mine asked me to take part in this fun project I was eager to help out.

Not wanting to use my own dress, and quite frankly I don’t think it still fits, I opted instead to lay waste to some of the bridesmaids dresses that appear to be breeding in the back of my closet. Out came the sage colored two-piece, the red empire waited gown and a black gauzy number. I really wanted these dresses to go out with a bang. That red one could have been set on fire and I wouldn’t have minded. We set out on a chilly fall day for the local marina and immediately got down to business.

I climbed trees, laid on fallen logs and felt a bit like Narcissus as I glanced at my reflection in the still waters. I dropped into some foliage and rolled around a bit and even lay on a dock with some scary geese fast approaching. It was fun. OK, it was more than fun. When else can I traipse around in formal wear, full makeup, and up do and my Chuck Taylors? Seeing as I’m not a fashion model, I would venture to say, never. It was cold but it was all in the name of art right? One thing though. That green ensemble was pretty much dirt repellent. It is back in the closet waiting for take two of Trash the Dress and warmer weather. Not a speck of dirt stuck to it. Unbelievable.

What I learned from this whole this, beyond the creativity and fun of it, is that it is a perfect opportunity to de-stress. Really what could be better after all that wedding hullabaloo than getting back into that dress and really getting out some florist aimed aggression? Maybe you just simply want to wear the dress one last time and this is a great chance to do so. That is a good enough reason for me. You can go to the Trash the Dress forum and find a local photographer near you and see how much you can trash that dress.






Photos done by Sarah Lynn Photography.



A great little bit about what Trash the Dress is all about.

This Charming Couple

Until we can get off our butts and post some real content, please enjoy some marriage advice from the 1950s! (Each part is just under 10 minutes each.)

Part One


Part Two


(I orginally found this at Prelinger Archives but I couldn't get their embedding code to work. YouTube to the rescue!)

Photo Montages & Compilations

Photo boards and montages are a great way to entertain your guests be it a rehearsal dinner or during your wedding reception. It is a nice personal touch and a way for many guests to see how the couple has grown and changed through their lives. You can capture family moments to share and show happy couple photos as a closing too. I love whenever I am a wedding guest and I get to see these snapshots put to music or just scrolling silently throughout the reception. It not only gives me something to do besides eye the wedding cake it is also a great conversation starter too, especially if you are placed at a table where you know not one soul. But you know what? I’ve always wondered how on earth the whole thing works. Sure you provide the photos but where does the projector come in? Is it a rental? Do you have to buy one? Does the photographer take care of that too?

In comes Projector 123.com, a great LCD Projector rental company that rents to all fifty states. The process is ridiculously easy. You go online and pick your projector. You reserve the type of projector you need, set the date, and FedEx delivers it to your door. You can do it at anytime too. 24/7. FedEx will come back on the specified date and pick it up as well! All Projector123.com does is rent projectors and nothing else. They are so focused on giving you the best deal, service and quality projector that you just can’t beat them. What could be better than that? I’ll tell you what, read on.

While I’m not a big fan of advertising as a post on Flaming Tulle I couldn’t resist the offer that Projector123.com presented to us. We’re giving away one free projector rental to the lucky reader/bride to use for her own wedding! Exciting? YES! If you know of a bride who might like this for her big day please let us know. The first person to email Flaming Tulle (flamingtulle AT gmail DOT com) will win it! Projector 123.com will do the rest. It’s quick, it’s easy and it’s fun.

Now go! Enter to win! Let your guests be touched and entertained by all those fabulous baby photos of you and your betrothed. Just make sure your mother keeps those awkward years to a minimum.

DIY -- Embellished Shoes

We all know those commericals for the Bedazzler. Tacky, right? Maybe not, if you take it down a notch. Love designer shoes but can't love the price tag? Bridesmaids throwing up at the thought of dyeables? Try adding a little sparkle to a plain pair of pumps or sandals.

While searching for something completely unrelated I found this tutorial for Swarovski Embellished Shoes. Substitute Swarovski crystals for anything you want: pearls, beads, small gemstones... And you could turn a pair of Payless Shoes into something a little more designer. Check these out for inspiration:



(Above images from Neiman Marcus.)

Paying for designer shoes is one thing. Even I'm tempted sometimes by a nice pair of Pucchis or Oscars. But if you're really in the mood for shelling out big bucks for crap, check out Wedding Tennies.com, where for upwards of $100 you can buy the same pair of white flip-flops you could get at Old Navy with stuff glued on (left). I'm against flip-flops as formal wedding wear, but if you absolutely must wear them, take 5 minutes to glue them yourself. I just can't live knowing that a site like Wedding Tennies.com is actually encouraged to exist.

The Name Change Game

Thirteen hours. According to some websites that is how long it takes to fill out all the forms and do all the necessary paperwork to completely change your name once you are married or err simply want to change your name.

I tend to believe that. It took me up until my one year anniversary to get around to doing that myself. My husband and I were literally checking into our anniversary getaway and my credit card still had my old name on it. My husband was hurt and surprised. I decided after our trip to buckle down and go through the process of changing my name. Oy! What a time. Sitting in the Social Security office which required me taking time off from work, filling out forms, faxing documents and waiting on the phone. It seemed to take weeks! I still haven't changed my name on my Neiman's card because the process was too time consuming. I've been married six years. I know!

Of course this is all if you decide to change your last name to your betrothed. Even if you do the hyphen or combination of last names you need to step up and put in the man hours. You really have to commit all over again. I looked at many of those name change kits when I was going through the process but quite frankly they seemed like more work and not all that helpful. Plus, they cost money. Why shell out $29.95 for a white laced box full of forms that I could print off my computer in less time? That was then. This is now.

Behold MissNowMrs the new name change kit. At first I balked when the email was sent to me. Another way for the Industry to make money off of women. Sigh. Then I noticed the price of $29.95 which isn't all that bad when it is combined with EVERY form you need to fill out and it is all automated and online safe. That's right. You type in your name once and it automatically does it on all the forms. Driver license, Social Security even credit cards are all done online saving you incredible amounts of time. I am impressed. Knowing what I know now concerning the name change game I would invest in this kit. And no, they didn't pay me to post this, it is just a helpful sanity saving tip from me to you. Sanity. Something all brides need at one time or another.

If you have used this service let us know how it worked out for you. If you have used another type of name change kit or want to share a truly horrendous story about waiting in line, fax machine hell or the general time eating process this name change thing can be email us! We'll share your story online.

Bride vs. Florist -- You be the judge

My husband alerted me to this bit of news:

Fuming NYC bride sues florist over flower color

Lawsuit seeks more than $400,000 over color of hydrangeas

(Associated Press) NEW YORK - The wedding was lovely, except for the flowers: They were the wrong color.

So says the bride, Elana Glatt, who was so upset that she sued the florist and alleged breach of contract.

She says Posy Floral Design in Manhattan substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the dark rust and green ones she had specified for 22 centerpieces.

Not only that, she alleges that the hydrangeas were wilted and brown, and arranged in dusty vases without enough water.

“The use of predominantly pastel centerpieces had a significant impact on the look of the room and was entirely inconsistent with the vision the plaintiffs had bargained for,” Glatt, a lawyer, said in the lawsuit, filed on behalf of herself, her husband, David, and her mother-in-law, Tobi Glatt, who paid for the flowers.

The flowers cost $27,435.14. The lawsuit asks for more than $400,000 in restitution and damages.

Stamos Arakas, the florist, said that he and his wife, Paula, tried to match the color of the hydrangeas with a picture Glatt had given them, but explained to her that the colors might not look the same.

“My father used to tell me, ‘Don’t deal with the lawyers,” Arakas said. “Maybe he was right, God bless his soul.”

I can kind of see the bride's point if the florist actually made no attempt to contact her about changing the flowers and if they were brown and wilting. A full refund should be in order. On the other hand, nature is unpredictable and if the florist has a clause in the contract saying they can substitute flowers, then the bride should have read the fine print more carefully. What outrages me is paying $27K just for flowers and then suing for more than $400K!

Say Yes to the Dress- Recap

It's official. I'm addicted. Two episodes in of Say Yes to the Dress and I am happy to report TLC has made me a junkie. I'm already fiending for another viewing and it is only Wednesday.

The premise: Follow brides and bridal consultants as they work together to find that one perfect dress (or in the case of Camille three perfect dresses but who is counting!) at Kleinfelds in New York. You even get a peek into the alterations department and the running of the brides they do each year.

I think for me it is admittedly just oggling all the beautiful dresses. Always a sucker for something beautiful I can't stop myself from watching. I don't care about the brides, their sometimes over bearing friends, and their tearful families. I find myself more into the consultants. I'm still not sure how this show is going to continue with more episodes and brides only looking at dresses. So far all the brides have committed to their dresses in under five minutes. Ah the beauty of editing. There hasn't been any real drama. You don't get emotionally invested in anything but admiring the dress and finding one to say 'yes' to which I guess is the point.




All I know is that I want Keasha to dress me and mermaid dresses have become very popular this year. Stay tuned!

Unique Wedding Gifts -- Works of Art

Everyone registers at Crate and Barrel or Target because it's easy and practical. But is it any fun? Do you really want to pour over one more Crate and Barrel registry looking for those wooden salad bowls? I think it's okay to shop off the registry, especially if you know the couple well and can buy them a meaningful gift without pestering them with questions about what they really want.

Why not a gift from the couples' (or your) favorite museum? For some ideas, visit this slideshow from the New York Times website: Help Make Their Home A Showplace. You may not have the budget for the $125 fruit bowl shown here, but you can get framed art prints, or coffee mugs, or a vase, or stationary sets... There are dozens of practical yet decorative ideas.

We reluctantly put together a registry and while I love every gift we received, I was pleasantly surprised by the off-registry ones. It was so touching that people knew us so well.

Of course, if you're dealing with a bridezilla who will not tolerate a unique, original gift, then you'd better go back to Crate and Barrel.

Photograph by Raeanne Giovanni-Inque.

"Say Yes" follow-up

I actually haven't had a chance to watch Say Yes to the Dress yet, but I just saw a commercial for it and remembered that Vicky posted about it. I was interested in watching it, but I've been reading One Perfect Day and just got to the chapter about wedding dresses and it's a real eye opener. Since I didn't step foot in a single bridal salon for my dress, I had no idea why women were told they had to buy their dresses so many months in advance. Alterations should take a couple weeks, not 6 months or more. So why does it take so long to get a wedding dress?

Bridal salons are in the market of selling the princess idea along with the idea that there's one perfect dress just for you (just like there's one perfect soulmate for you). When you try on the dresses in the salon, you're trying on samples meant for dozens of women to try on. Then they order the dress for you, giving you the sense that this dress is being made for you and you alone. And in a sense that's true in that it's not made until you order it. But, when the order comes through to the Asian wedding dress factory, it's still being made in a generic, cookie-cutter size. It has little to do with your actual measurements. Those measurements come in to play once the dress arrives back at the salon and they have the tailor fret over you to make the dress perfectly yours. This is such a manufactured scam. There's no practical reason why they can't keep different sizes in stock to sell you, like any other clothing store. It's just that "off-the-rack" appears "cheap," and you'll spend more money on that special made-just-for-you feeling. And it keeps the dress making costs down in that they're producing the cookie-cutter sizes instead of unique sizes (so, cheaper for the business but they don't exactly pass the savings on to the consumers).

Business consultants advise dress salespeople to avoid "untraditional" or "unconventional" brides because they will lose patience with the process and won't spend money on the wedding dress dream. Heaven forbid a woman wants to be practical about her wedding dress! That's bad for business. That's partially where David's Bridal comes in, in that you can theoretically buy a dress one morning and wear it that afternoon. As you can imagine, bridal salon owners abhor David's Bridal because they are ruining the "one perfect dress" sales pitch, I mean dream. (Although David's Bridal isn't perfect either. They are a business filling a niche, re-scripting the bridal dream.)

Reading this book has fueled a number of rants that I'm working on for further posts.

Wedding Advice from Jessica Simpson

Oh readers, you don't know what we go through for you. All this time I've been offline not blogging, I've been sneaking around my house with Jessica Simpson's I Do: Achieving Your Dream Wedding. My husband is too embarrassed to be in the same room with the book, so I had to hide it. I've now renewed it twice at the library (where some volunteer is probably snickering at my account) and I refuse to let this be an overdue book, so it's time I blogged and released it. (I'm not linking to the book. If you want it, you have to search for it yourself.)

It's taking me so long to get through because I can only "read" for about 5 minutes at a time. (Using the term "read" loosely. Mostly I look at pictures and skim captions.)

There are such nuggets as "setting the date can be as complex as an algebraic equation," to interviewing Vera Wang about dresses--since that's on everyone's wedding to-do list. One of the first big things you should do is interview a wedding coordinator. Then a photographer. Then everything else falls into place.

Every bride should have a hairstylist, a hair colorist, two makeup artists, a personal stylist, and a manicurist. Sure, who could live without that entourage? I'd die without my hair colorist and second makeup artist in tow. And according to the pictures, your sister should have the same hair color as you, but a less-flattering style.

Grooms aren't that important. There are hardly any photos of Nick, and while I haven't read every word, his little thoughts and quotes don't seem to be as prevalent as Jessica's. There's a lot of do-it-your-way, which feels insincere when it's surrounded by pull quotes of how Jessica did it. (Because her way isn't realistic for the majority of brides.)

Oh, and make sure the flowers are the exact shade of white as your wedding dress.

This is so bad I can't even call it a guilty pleasure. I just feel guilty.

Note the irony in achieving your dream wedding, but not necessarily your dream marriage.

I now have to find a tote bag big enough for carting this back to the library. When I picked it up, it didn't fit in my bag and I had to carry it through town for all to see. At least I can give the excuse, "It's okay--I'm a wedding blogger."

Featured Bride Ashley- Dishes About Cake

Ashley continues her wedding planning journey and shares with us her cake story. So pull up a chair, find a piece of cake and read on.

Vicky- How did you choose your baker?

Ashley- Choosing the baker was easy. I chose Susan Thurston with The Cakery for numerous reasons. The first reason was that I have had her cakes before and they are yummy. The second reason is she make my sister's wedding cake. The third reason is she is such a wonderful person, very professional and very did I mention her cakes are yummy. The fourth reason is I actually have known her son Jason for 15 years. I met Jason when I joined the rescue squad. So needless to say it was a no brainer.

V- That's great! Finding a baker with great prices and good cakes is really tough sometimes. How many cakes did you taste and what varieties?

A- We tasted three different cakes. Red velvet, Chocolate and Yellow cake with Susan's traditional butter crème icing.

V- That sounds heavenly! I am a freak for butter creme! What did you come up with and how did that work?

A- We began by looking at books of past cakes Susan had done. I had something vague in my mind as to what I wanted but nothing was jumping out at me. Brad and I both found a design we really liked. We kept looking but always kept coming back to this one design. Then we chose the shape, I had always figured on a square cake but when I saw the hexagon I just knew that was it. Mix the hexagon shape with the elegant but simple design we loved and there you had it. Plus Brad asked to have a Susan incorporate a design from our cake topper into the pattern. I said to put in a hidden A if she wanted so we shall have to see if there is a hidden A in the pattern on the cake.

Because of our numbers and the design of the cake we have 4 tiers of cake (alternating flavors - red velvet with cream cheese filling and yellow with raspberry filling), with a "kitchen cake". The kitchen cake fills the gap where the wedding cake ends and the rest of the mouths to feed fit in. Susan said she will make it look exactly the same when they cute the cake and serve it so people won't know its a kitchen cake.

V- A kitchen cake is always a smart idea and an economical one too. I can't wait to see the design and taste it! Will you do a Groom's cake?

A- I have been planning a secret Groom's Cake for Brad. I need to call Susan and discuss with her the Groom's Cake but I was thinking I could have her turn the Kitchen Cake into the Groom's Cake (paying for the difference to have it specially decorated to his likes (sports).

V- Again, a great idea and a good way to combine the too and the cost. Are you satisfied with the pricing for your cake?

A- I am very much satisfied with the cake. I know it will be beautiful and very yummy tasting. Plus I know Susan will be prompt with her delivery. She works very frequently with the reception site and is on good terms with the facility coordinator. I am pleased with the pricing of the cake. According to my budget on theknot.com I came in under budget for the cake. Plus it was lower than the cost of the cake in my wedding dream. Yep that's right I had another wedding dream just a few weeks ago (the first one in a long time). In my dream the cake was $850 (gasp!).

V- Excellent! Coming in under budget is great. Try not to use that money at all. Stay under budget! Would you ever consider doing one of those cake waterfalls or fountains or lighted cakes and cake jewelry?

A- I looked at various pieces of cake jewelry and thought that they would be cool but never found anything that I really liked enough to order. Fountains or waterfalls are fine for some people but just not me.

The cake topper is a monogram letter A for Aldridge. Brad actually picked it out. Well I gave him 3 options and he chose from that.

V- It's always good talking with you. We'll be discussing bridesmaids with you next. Choosing the dress and so on. Thanks for sharing and we can't wait to hear more!

Say Yes to the Dress

I don't normally like to plug things but this caught my eye, and it's TLC which I can kind of be a junkie for, starting on Friday at 10 is 'Say Yes to the Dress'. The show will take 13 weeks to follow three different brides as they plan and plot their way to Kleinfeld's Bridal store in NYC to find that perfect dress. Will they have success? Well I guess we have to watch to find out. My DVR is set!

I did a bit more research on the show to find out how can it take 13 weeks of a show to find a dress in one store. I mean really. Two weekends in one store is all I'm giving a bride before I deem them on the road to Bridezillahood. Yet the show is promising a docu-soap look at behind the scenes of the store and how they go from helping a bride choose the dress of her dreams and one that looks good on her to fittings, alterations, and more. I love this stuff! Plus you get background on the brides and their own stories. Fascinating television? Maybe only to us but I'm game.

Who is with me?


*Image from TLC's website and Say Yes to the Dress.

Vicky and the Void

I'm going to weigh in here on this issue of the post-wedding Void. I definitely felt the Void, but for only two reasons.

One, I moved from my established area where I had friends at the ready and an active social life, right before the wedding. My spouse, a former Marine, was stationed at a new locale and we bought a bunch of furniture, rented a house, and moved in. Then he left. I plunged myself into perfecting the wedding in that final month. I was alone all day and night in a new town that quite frankly had little to offer a single not yet military spouse.

Two, I was now unemployed. I could no longer keep my job after the move unless I wanted a three hour commute one way. I sort of looked for a job before the wedding, but not really. I was more involved in perfecting those hotel gift bags and creating our photo board. The rehearsal dinner menu took oh so much time.

Then one day, the wedding was over. No honeymoon to go to (that military thing) and we were home. What was a girl to do? Under notmal circumstances I probably would have thrown myself into writing thank you notes, organizing the new place with our wedding gifts and job searching, but we got married right before September 11 and I woke up to its events the day after we got home. The void never felt so big. It just opened up and swallowed me. I just sat on the couch lifeless, watching the television screen and pouring over the LA Times. I looked out at the desert landscape feeling horribly far away from our friends who had gone back to work at the Towers that day after their mini-vacation that was our Vegas wedding. I wanted to go home. I wanted to do something and instead felt alone and powerless.

There was no wedding to take my mind off of things. Instead I watched Oprah and cried. I got depressed and gained 10 lbs right quick. I became obsessed with a show on HBO called Kindergarten and Lighthouse brand frosted sugar cookies. I know. Pretty sad indeed. That's just it. I was. I blamed half of it on the tragic events of 9/11 and the other on my lack of wedding activity. I cried a lot. I didn't like my new life. I wanted out. The Void was deep and all encompassing. At one point I actually packed my bags to head back East.

It took five months for me to shake that Void feeling. I believe it was because after months of desperate searching I finally found a job. Something to do. I really think it was all about circumstances that caused me to feel that Void. Not because I was that into the wedding. I believe if I had friends around me, a job, and something to fall back on besides my husband who was becoming drained by pulling me out of the Void, I would have fared a lot better and not noticed it at all. I would have felt relief and joy instead. We were finally! married. We were together at last and now had a dog and our own place.

I'm with Stephanie when it comes to the Void. Yes, you no longer have the wedding to plan and get excited about, but you also have a new life. Life as a married couple and tons of great new stuff to use. So don't get bogged down by the Void. Get started on that after marriage paperwork, planning your new life, and the ability to go out with friends and not badger them with wedding details! Avoid the Void. Your spouse will thank you.

The Void

I've heard of women talk about a void. It apparently comes after the wedding, when they don't have to plan anymore and they don't know what to do with their new free time. I have to ask, what did you do with your time before you got engaged? And why can't you just go back to doing that?

I love having my time back for sewing and reading and running. For doing crafts that are not wedding-related. For reading pointless, silly blogs instead of looking at caterers' menus online. For having dinners with friends and talking about anything other than wedding planning. I'm so far out of the void that I'm brazenly disregarding the thank-you notes that haven't been sent yet. (Really, I'm working on them still. They are a totally different post though.)

For women who do have the void, or fear it, think about new things to do. Put all that energy from wedding planning into making a good marriage. It takes work. Maybe not seating-charts kind of work, but work just the same. If you have a hankering for the seating-charts kind of work, then plan dinner parties, or other kinds of gathering for your friends. Put that new fondue pot to use. And all the over-bought alcohol. (We're still planning dinners around all the champagne bottles we have left over.) Or take that special china out of the cupboard and use it for romantic dinner for two. I'm not saying become the perfect housewife. I'm saying if you liked wedding planning so much that you feel empty without it, find a way to put aspects of it into regular life.

There's no reason for a void. Your life wasn't empty before the wedding and it shouldn't be afterwards, either.

The First Dance

When I got married six years ago the subject of the first dance was no longer just about the song. Gone were the days of shuffling around in a slow but repetitive circle as your guests painfully smiled on through some endlessly sappy song. Six years ago it was enough if the bride and groom went the extra mile and took some dance lessons. Then guests could watch a nervous couple take some tentative waltzing steps and then slowly gain speed and agility as the sappy song played out.

That even kept the crowd interested as long as the song wasn't something from the latest Disney film. These days it is a whole different ball game. Today, couples are choosing to surprise their guests with a choreographed show. Costumes are sometimes used as well as lights and often the slow waltzing song is quickly eliminated by some catchy beat or an old favorite that is sure to get the crowd going. When did this happen? I'm still not quite sure but the invention of You Tube has brought to light an increasing trend. The NEW and IMPROVED First Dance.

Here are a few of my favorites garnered from You Tube. I picked them for their originality or sheer fun factor. I might also point out that the whole Thriller thing as well as Dirty Dancing/No One Puts Baby in the Corner routine is now well-played out. So if you are looking to go this route then choose something that speaks to the crowd and you can really master.




I like this first one because even though it's slow you can tell the groom was totally behind this and it's his thing. Plus he got others involved which I think is a whole lot of fun for the rest of the crowd and creates a great memory for everyone.



This is my favorite by far. It's not hokey or typical even. The couple looks like they are really having a blast too. You can almost picture them cracking up at home as they practiced the whole scene.



Ok, so it is from Dirty Dancing, but it's done really well and I think that is truly what counts. It has the costumes, gets the crowd going, and incorporates others. If you are going to do something like this then practice, practice, practice and really wow the crowd. You are doing this for entertainment so by all means do so!

Book: Somebody Is Going to Die...

Somebody Is Going to Die if Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding by Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays

"As necessary as the groom might be for the proper Delta wedding, a Southern girl must never--nevah!--be congratulated upon obtaining one. To do so is an insult to the whole of Southern womanhood."

This book is quite amusing, but I can't help but think it would have been even funnier if I weren't Yankee-born. It's part study, part satire of the lengths Southern women, particularly mothers of the bride in the Mississippi Delta region, will go through to put on the perfect wedding. (There are some translations and explainations for Yankees.) It's told with juicy bits of gossip interspersed, as if you're sitting down to bourbon-laced punch with the ladies.

One really neat thing is that menues and recipes are included for certain types of weddings and the events surrounding them: traditional last Delta wedding, wedding brunch, Baptist wedding, wedding cakes, shotgun wedding, etc. I didn't realize it until just now, but it's along the lines of Amy Sedaris's "I Like You" in that it contains useful information on etiquette and traditions but it's wrapped up with a nice big satirical bow.

Oh the lengths we will go...

The whole frosting and jewelery and frosted jewelry post by Stephanie got me thinking. What else can I find? What lengths do we brides go to for fantastic and sometimes less than fantabulous things for our wedding?

Check this out- Allergies be damned! Here are tissue packets That is a bit too much work for me.

OR how about this? Nothing says class like a shot glass!

Tiff at the wedding? This one is great! It's just the message you want to convey!

Sexy Love Nuts anyone? Click here.

Now really will any of these make or break your wedding? Will you achieve marital bliss just by having a snow globe wedding topper? In Precious Moments motif? No. No, you will not stand even a smidgen of a better chance than those who decide to forgo all this paraphernalia. While there is no guarantee communication is key.

Communication, understanding, patience, and some serious give and take. Marriage is the goal, not the wedding. Besides I'm not sure anyone at the wedding really wants to see your sexy love nuts.

Planning a Wedding in CA's Gold Country

You watched me plan my East Bay wedding. Now a fellow San Francisco-area blogger is planning a wedding and sharing her research with you. Check out Travel Betty and read her research on venues in her series Planning a Wedding in California's Gold Country. She's got lots of photos up, which give an honest view of what these venues really look like (because of course the websites show only their best images!) and is asking for feedback from others who've had weddings in some of her choices. And maybe you'll find your dream venue or some honeymoon ideas while you're there.

Good luck Travel Betty! I'm partial to a wedding with breath-taking views, inconveniences be damned, so I like the Forest House Lodge.

9/19/07 Update: Travel Betty is now considering a destination wedding in Bali!

We have to put jewelry on cakes now?

Because it's not enough that we're expected to buy new earrings, necklaces, and sparkly hair clips for our wedding days, along with the wedding bands, someone wants to sell us Swarovski crystals to put on top of the cake. Cake-Jewelry.com has a showcase of exactly what the title says. You can get cake toppers (let's face it, they're cake toppers, just like Precious Moments) with various crystals, in monograms, with photographs of the couple or an "honored guest." (Because they're trying to expand into the anniversary party and sweet-sixteen party industries as well.)

There are no prices on this website. I figured it's one of those cases where if you have to ask, you can't afford it. A quick Google search will turn up their products for sale at other sites. The cheapest I saw was $25 for something called "Coastal Mist." (What the hell does that mean? It's a heart with seashells on it. Kindergardners could make it during craft time.) For $50 you get a Swarovski encrusted single letter. (Or you can get the bargain-priced partially encrusted single letter for only $40.) The one in the photo there is just over $100. (And those flowers aren't included. Apparently it's seven separate wires you stick into the top of the cake.) I found a couple that approached $200.

Does this seem a tad extravagant to anyone? Even for the fanciest of weddings... what do you do with it afterwards? I guess it's for those people that keep a cabinet over the mantle filled with the engraved champagne glasses and cake service set so they can remember the material parts of their wedding forever.

Crystals and frosting don't really seem like a classy combination to me.

Featured Bride Ashley- Dancing the Night Away!

We're back with Ashley, our featured bride, and she has new news!

Vicky: So you found a DJ- who is it?
Ashley: The DJ is James Morton with Jam Entertainment (based out of North Carolina).

V: What made you choose that one?

A: We went with this company for two reasons. Brad is friends with a gentleman who is a local DJ with this company and Brad wanted to go with him, it's the whole friend thing. Well, his friend was unable to do our wedding as he is a groomsman in another wedding that same day so he arranged for the founder of the company (James) to do the wedding. I was a bit leary as I couldn't seem to find anything online about this company and I had never met James. We met with Brad's friend and discusses price ans such. We looked over the contract and the price was right but I was still having reservations. I called James and spoke with him over the phone for a good 30 minutes and instantly felt better. He was very friendly, answered many of my questions before I even asked them.

V: That's great! Will you have a set list or required music?
A: I will probably have a list of required music, still trying to figure that out, but as far as it goes, I would like a variety of music played so everyone can enjoy. I have made the caviate that I'm not a fan of most rap or hip/hop music so very minimal will be played. James says he likes to play all kinds of music and see how the crowd responds (as each crowd is different) and from the playlists and Brad and my list he will come up with a good selection of music. It's also up to us to allow musical requests or not (still trying to decide that).

V: Is the DJ going to do anything special like a light show?
A: I'm not sure. James is going to meet face to face with Brad and I in the coming future so I'm sure we will find out more then. I don't have anything special lined up but anything can change.

V: How much of a role did Brad (fiance) play in choosing the DJ?
A: Actually a big role. It was up to him to arrange for the meetings with his friend to discuss DJ services (with a bit of proding from me to get it done). Also, he had pretty much made up his mind he wanted to use them. I had in the meantime gotten some estimates and spoken with other DJs. I had another one that I really liked but while waiting for our meeting with Brad's friend, that DJ got another request and so I had to let go of my wanting to use him since we had no solid time to meet with Brad's friend.

V: How long did you look?
A: I don't know exactly how long it took but I would roughly say about 4 months. In the beginning it was mostly just getting prices and such but then it really became important that we book a DJ.


Congratulations Ashley! You are one step closer in planning your wedding. The day will be here before you know it!

Fruit Basket Centerpiece

I'm finally starting to clean out and toss out (I mean recycle) all the wedding ideas I'd been stashing. I have a couple years' worth of Martha Stewart Good Things pages ripped from her magazines. I planned dozens of weddings in my head and fought hard for a few elements to be included in what eventually became our wedding. Sadly, some of my favorites did not make the final cut. But, fortunately for a wedding blogger, I now have a file of those favorites to pass on to you, dear readers.

Wouldn't these fruit basket centerpieces be adorable at a fall harvest wedding? Imagine them filled with bright red and green apples and pears. My thoughts were that guests could snack on the fruit before and after dinner. (I was told by more than one person that that was a silly idea. Whole fruit is too messy to eat while wearing nice clothes. Really? Everyone dove into the fresh strawberries on the brie plate without hesitation, and I would think juicy red strawberries are much messier than apples.)

A basket of fruit can be used in any season. Just check the farmers' markets for what's fresh and local. In late fall or winter you could also fill them with small gourds or pine cones. Baskets can be collected on sale at craft stores or stores like Cost Plus World Market, or at summer flea markets. Cheap, rustic table decor.

(Image from Martha Stewart's Weddings.)

Today Throws a Wedding -- Pick the Gown

I am way behind on my coverage of the Today Show Throws a Wedding with Martha Stewart. This week they're choosing the gown! I love wedding gowns. But I am not thrilled with the selection. See for yourself. Maybe they look better in real life, or at least on a tv screen rather than a thumbnail image. The Today Show has craftily made their website so that it's not easy to snag photos and re-post them. Boo!

I'm going to do my civic duty and vote. Probably for the Melissa Sweet. Let your inner wedding planner come out and make the choices for someone else's dream wedding!

I actually haven't watched any of the coverage on tv yet. I'm sure it's insipid and grating, but I'm going to try and watch for the winning gown next week.

Jonathan Edwards Winery- An Ideal Wedding Location

Do you live in New England? Are you currently searching high and low for that perfect place to hold your dream wedding? Have you considered a winery? Specifically, think the Jonathan Edwards Winery in picturesque Connecticut.

Nestled in the tiny town of North Stonington and located on a 48-acre hilltop, the Jonathan Edwards winery is truly romantic respite. From the stone patio to the English style gardens your wedding is sure to look and feel beautiful. I visited this spot recently and my first thought was, “Oh! How perfect would a wedding be here?” Sure enough a soon to be betrothed couple was planning theirs while seated at a quiet table overlooking the vineyard.



The winery holds weddings from May through October and offers up white enclosed tents for the event. This place would make an absolutely magical and incredibly festive fall wedding spot! It made me almost want to plan a whole new one just for me. There are gorgeous indoor rooms for events with wide windows, that rustic feel complete with blonde wood and a cozy fireplace. All perfect for cocktail hour and quiet affairs. You can even use the tasting room if needed! This winery is superb and accommodating and it specializes in adding truly unique touches to your day. Book quickly though, I overheard one of the tour guides saying they are quickly booking all of 2008 already.

For more information on planning your day at Jonathan Edwards Winery contact Erica at Erica@jedwardswinery.com or call (860) 535-0202.

Book Review: Altared

"The overt messsage in the bridal industry is that your wedding is the most important day of your life."

Altared, edited by Colleen Curran, is a collection of essays by strong female writers about their weddings. They are the type of women who for the most part didn't have the princess dream wedding as little girls and either found themselves surprisingly swept up in the fantasy or rebelling against it furiously.

I loved it. Of course, it validated my belief that the wedding is just one day and the marriage is supposed to last forever, so the marriage is what you should put more effort into. It's nice to know women have been thinking like this for a few years now.

I started wondering though... what if the antibride movement is perpetuating the myth of the bridezilla industry? The antibride industry wants to make money, too, obviously, or it wouldn't be hyped up in the way nothing has been since Generation X. But then I remember creepy Precious Moments cake toppers and think that the antibrides have it right. As long as those things are still being bought by someone, there's still a bridal industry to rail against.

That tangent aside, this really was an entertaining read, and all true tales from real women. One woman called off her wedding. A widow remarried. One woman writes of her arranged marriage that fell apart when her husband finally revealed he was gay (and in the community's eyes the bad marriage was all her fault). A woman writes about her and her partner's anguish over whether they should have a wedding or not, since as lesbians they feel they can probably never be legally married. There's a wedding for everyone in this book.

I know summer reading is over, but these are brief essays that you can read during commuting train rides or quiet moments at home. Check it out.

Honeymoon's Over

Literally. We got home on Thursday night, exhausted and with minor colds. We've spent the weekend going over the photos and regaling everyone we talk to with tales of our trip. (In between all the naps.)
Here we are in Salzburg:

Our full album is here.

We ate too much cheese and sausage and drank a little too much beer and wine. We actually managed to lose a few pounds due to all the walking. We spent some long nights in bad sleeping quarters, but some romantic nights on nice walks and in good restaurants.

In Poland, we saw several countryside weddings happening on a Saturday as we were walking and bussing around. In Zakopane, at a historic old church near my cousin's guesthouse, we happened upon one of these weddings. When you have your wedding at a public historic landmark I guess you have to expect a few tourists to drop in. We of course did not go inside the church, but many people outside were milling around in their traditional highland clothes. Weddings are an event for the whole town here. My cousins told us of their neighbor's daughter's wedding, a 3-day event. The church ceremony was one day. The next was a party for the family. Then a party for the whole neighborhood. Now, that's a way to celebrate!

Wedding at the old wooden church in Zakopane.

In Krakow, we saw some hilarious examples of a photographer's wedding photos. A couple photoshopped to be standing in a gigantic champagne glass.

In Edinburgh, custom-made kilt suits seem to fuel the bridal industry craziness. I also saw some gorgeous Caroline Castiglione wedding gowns there when we came across her showroom on one of the few uncrowded streets.

Back to reality now. One more day of lounging around the house before returning to work tomorrow. Summer's over, and the fall wedding season is upon us!

(Clicking on any photo will take you to larger versions on flickr.)

Groom's Cake

The Groom's Cake, long a Southern tradition, didn't start out as a cake simply depicting the groom's interest. Did you know that long ago according to folklore it was a fruitcake sliced and boxed up at the end of a wedding and given to the single women to take home. Once home they could put it under their pillow and dream of the man who would be their future spouse.

Today, the Groom's Cake is no longer just a Southern tradition. Brides all over are embracing this idea and using it as a gift, surprise, or a way to illustrate the groom's interest and personality during the wedding or rehearsal dinner. While chocolate cake is still the most popular flavor, red velvet comes in a close second. Sports teams, college mascots, and all manner of interests are created and represented on these cakes. It can also be a great way for the couple to combine something they both love and have it depicted on the cake. Wedding guests will enjoy taking a peek at this representation of the groom in a day that is typically all about the bride.

Whether you serve it at the rehearsal dinner or during the wedding doesn't matter, it's your choice. The only rules that apply are these. If the Groom's cake is served at the rehearsal dinner it should be a flavor that is the groom's favorite. If the cake is served at the wedding it should be one that offsets the wedding cake. Something rich and chocolatey or seasonal and decadent.

Look over some of these fabulous sites for ideas and pictures. Makes me want to go out and just buy a cake all for myself!

Jody's Pantry
Dianes Cakes and More
Austin Cake Lady

Gift Etiquette-The Receiver Version

This really should go unsaid, but it has come to my attention from some readers, that some of us need a refresher course on gift etiquette. Hearing that a bride sold your gift on Craigslist while you are still swilling the champagne toast might make YOU want to smash cake in her face not her poor sucker of a spouse. So while there is a wealth of information on gift giving etiquette there is scant regard on the receiver's end.


So here are a few guidelines on gift etiquette- The Receiver Version-

1. ALWAYS be gracious. Even if you are not face to face when opening the present and you think it's the ugliest tea cozy you have ever laid eyes on. Write a thank you note promptly (note: a year is not prompt) and smile. Say you found it charming if ever confronted by the gift-giver. Don't be snide.

2. Smile. Again like Rule 1, face to face requires a smile. The person did buy you a present after all. The fact that it's the fifth set of frilly hand towels you received that are NOT on your registry is beyond the point. Smile.

3. Thank you notes. Some like the rule that the bridal couple has within a year of the wedding to write their thank you notes. I personally find this rule rubbish. Lazy even. Why put it off? Write it when your memory is fresh. Keep a list of the gifts you have received and write a thank you for it within a week. People will not only be touched but impressed at how thoughtful and organized you are.

4. Keep Track. Someone should have comprised a list of the gifts you received at your shower with a name next to each gift. If not they really should. Remember that for your next shower or party.

5. Returns. Don't tell the gift giver that you returned their gift, sold it, exchanged it, or even that there was a problem with it. If it broke in delivery that is not their fault so don't be snotty and tell them about it. If they ask you can be honest, but remember rule number one as well.


These rules may seem simple, but I'm continuously amazed at the comments I get from readers about showers and weddings they've attended where this type of behavior occurs. We all need a bit of a refresher course from time to time.

Bridesmaid Cards

When it comes to weddings you can find everything these days. It is unreal the stuff that Steph and I come up with. Every once in a while though you find something that is a true gem. A touch of class and elegance that can be hard to find in a tulle-candysashed-wedding bells world.



The 'Be my Bridesmaid' cards ($3) from the designer at olio style strike just that cord. They are simply beautiful in an old world way and it's really a touching idea that can turn into a keepsake. I wrote my bridesmaids letters asking them to do me the honor as well as highlighting all the reasons they were so special to me. I think it's a wonderful thing to do for a friend, especially one who might be wearing a dress she loathes or can barely afford. That's a true friend!

olio style specializes in custom designed stationary and will work with you to create that perfect touch you are looking for. Check them out today they do a bit of everything including invitations!

Low-Budget Weddings – Dresses and Favors

Two quick tips:

1. As I was walking by the American Cancer Society Discover Shop in my town this morning I saw a stunning cranberry-red evening gown in the window and immediately thought it would be beautiful in a formal autumn wedding, for either a maid of honor or an adventurous bride. The California shops are having a Fall Preview/Summer Clearance sale at the end of August. Who knows? You may find the dress of your dreams and help a good cause.

2. Target has mini-lunchboxes filled with candy for $1 each. The outside pictures are Toosie Rolls, Double-Bubble, Now & Laters, etc., and each box is filled with that candy. These would be adorable favors at a candy-themed or Halloween-time wedding.

Honeymoon! Update

Well, we are finally leaving for our honeymoon in 2 days. (See previous post.) We have a weekend of packing ahead of us.

My new backpack. We decided to go with backpacks instead of suitcases. We'll be getting on and off a lot of busses and trains, and I'm not good at running for trains dragging a wheeled suitcase. Also, in some cities we'll only have a couple hours to explore and backpacks are easier to shove in a locker at the bus station than a big suitcase. Both our backpacks come with detachable day packs, so we have convenient smaller packs for our hiking days.

Clothes. Backpacks plus a 50-pound weight limit for luggage make for some creative packing. (Although if my backpack weighs anywhere near 50 pounds I won't be able to carry it.) Which shoes do I wear and which do I pack? Do I really need all these toiletries or can I buy some along the way? I am not a light packer and this is becoming quite a puzzle for me. We had to decide on the style of clothing we'd be wearing ahead of time, even before I bought my backpack, since dressy clothes need more space than casual clothes. (Comfortable walking clothes plus one or two decent outfits for the occasional nice dinner. Nothing that requires a garment bag.) We are one of those couples that matches, albeit unintentionally. It's disgusting, I know, but bound to happen when your casual wardrobes consist of jeans, cargo shorts, and the same spectrum of t-shirt colors.

Books. We have guidebooks for 5 different countries. Plus we need books for regular reading on all those planes and trains. Yes, we can buy some along the way but we'll each need at least one for the first 11-hour plane ride. My book of choice is Altared, a paperback long enough to read for a couple days but not so big it won't fit comfortably in my carry-on.

Passports. We planned an entire European vacation without valid passports in hand during this passport drought. We figured the expedited fee into our travel budget, and once we got around to applying for them (mine was lost, Mike's needed to be renewed) we had them within 4 days. It's still taking several months to get a passport in the regular way, and in October you'll need them for flying from Mexico and Canada. If you're planning an international trip next year, apply for your passport today!

Snacks. I have a food allergy so I'm bringing my own hot cereal and breakfast bars. Lunch and dinner is usually easier than breakfast, and I have little cards printed out in German and Polish that explain the food allergy to waiters. I showed the Polish card to my Polish cousin (we're staying with him in Zakopane!) and he said it's an excellent translation that makes the problem very clear. I was relieved to hear that. He gave me the words for some foods I can definitely eat and some I definitely cannot. But he also said bringing my own cereal is a good idea for breakfast.

Gifts for my cousins in Poland! Dropping everything to make houseguests feel welcome is a big tradition in the town they live. But it's also expected that those houseguests bring gifts in return for the hospitality. (Just in case they read this I don't want to mention what the gifts are!)

That's a lot to cram into a backpack that I'll be lugging around for 3 weeks. Luckily the Polish cousins are the first stop on the trip, so we can unload the gifts to make room for souvenirs.

Vicky's going on vacation too at the end of August, so it will get quiet around here. But I'll be taking notes on anything wedding related I see. Keep planning!

Auf wiedersehen!

Winter Wedding Dress

Erin at A Dress A Day recently posted about this dress, Vogue 2979, and I have to agree with her on every point.

A shivering bride wearing a strapless, sleeveless summer dress in outdoor winter photographs is not attractive. You're not showing your most glamourous side. And some of those old churches get drafty too. Do you want to shiver your way through the vows?

And with covered arms not only do you not have to worry about tricep dips for the next 6 months, you don't have to worry about summer tanlines from bathing suits and tank tops! (Althought the short-sleeved version is pretty cute, too. You may not want to give up on the tricep dips entirely.)