Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Vicky and the Void

I'm going to weigh in here on this issue of the post-wedding Void. I definitely felt the Void, but for only two reasons.

One, I moved from my established area where I had friends at the ready and an active social life, right before the wedding. My spouse, a former Marine, was stationed at a new locale and we bought a bunch of furniture, rented a house, and moved in. Then he left. I plunged myself into perfecting the wedding in that final month. I was alone all day and night in a new town that quite frankly had little to offer a single not yet military spouse.

Two, I was now unemployed. I could no longer keep my job after the move unless I wanted a three hour commute one way. I sort of looked for a job before the wedding, but not really. I was more involved in perfecting those hotel gift bags and creating our photo board. The rehearsal dinner menu took oh so much time.

Then one day, the wedding was over. No honeymoon to go to (that military thing) and we were home. What was a girl to do? Under notmal circumstances I probably would have thrown myself into writing thank you notes, organizing the new place with our wedding gifts and job searching, but we got married right before September 11 and I woke up to its events the day after we got home. The void never felt so big. It just opened up and swallowed me. I just sat on the couch lifeless, watching the television screen and pouring over the LA Times. I looked out at the desert landscape feeling horribly far away from our friends who had gone back to work at the Towers that day after their mini-vacation that was our Vegas wedding. I wanted to go home. I wanted to do something and instead felt alone and powerless.

There was no wedding to take my mind off of things. Instead I watched Oprah and cried. I got depressed and gained 10 lbs right quick. I became obsessed with a show on HBO called Kindergarten and Lighthouse brand frosted sugar cookies. I know. Pretty sad indeed. That's just it. I was. I blamed half of it on the tragic events of 9/11 and the other on my lack of wedding activity. I cried a lot. I didn't like my new life. I wanted out. The Void was deep and all encompassing. At one point I actually packed my bags to head back East.

It took five months for me to shake that Void feeling. I believe it was because after months of desperate searching I finally found a job. Something to do. I really think it was all about circumstances that caused me to feel that Void. Not because I was that into the wedding. I believe if I had friends around me, a job, and something to fall back on besides my husband who was becoming drained by pulling me out of the Void, I would have fared a lot better and not noticed it at all. I would have felt relief and joy instead. We were finally! married. We were together at last and now had a dog and our own place.

I'm with Stephanie when it comes to the Void. Yes, you no longer have the wedding to plan and get excited about, but you also have a new life. Life as a married couple and tons of great new stuff to use. So don't get bogged down by the Void. Get started on that after marriage paperwork, planning your new life, and the ability to go out with friends and not badger them with wedding details! Avoid the Void. Your spouse will thank you.


Stephanie said...

Okay, so I guess you have a good excuse. I had forgotten about all that.

Lauren said...

I probably am feeling the void now, four months after our wedding, than I did previously. But it may just be clinical depression that has nothing to do with the wedding. Hmm. Possibly TMI.

Izzy said...

I've often worried about the VOID with friends and family members who spent like two years planning their weddings. After all that, you have to be careful not to feel deflated with normal, everyday life.