The Bridesmaid Luncheon

Whenever I hear the term 'bridesmaid luncheon' I think of cakes stuffed full of trinkets, tea parties, flowing summer dresses and all manner of stuffy and entirely elegant moments. The Bridesmaid luncheon has been around for quite some time and I'm sure that back in the day fluffy frosted cakes, antiquated traditions and the desire to show off wedding presents was one of the reasons that these lunches were given. These days it is simply a way for the bride to say thank you to her friends for being part of her wedding. And sometimes for putting up with her.

Ashley, one of our featured brides, recently held her bridesmaid luncheon and it was a fun mid-day event that wasn't at all stuffy. She treated us all to a nice waterside lunch, gave us goody bags full of treats including a divine shawl to wear to her wedding and necklaces she made herself to match our bridesmaid dresses. It was touching, sweet and really quite lovely. No fuss, no muss.

Typically, these lunches are held one to two weeks before the wedding. It is a good time for out of town guests to meet each other too. The bride thanks her attendants, doles out any gifts she may have and basically spends a fun afternoon with 'her girls'. You know what else is great about this event? It is entirely optional. You don't have to throw it. Sure, if you have the time and spare cash - go for it! However, there should be no stressing out if this isn't your thing or you simply cannot find the time or coin to do so. A simple thank you note can also do the trick.

For some great ideas regarding a bridesmaid thank you fete as I've decided to call it visit the following sites-

Simple Answers Here!

From Brides Magazine

Always Fabulous

Photo from vibride.com

Planning a Bridal Shower, part 2

Vicky asked me to chime in on her post about bridal shower planning. Honestly, I know little about them. I didn't want one and didn't have one. So... take Vicky's advice.

One thing I'd say is it seems like a best friend or MoH throwing a bridal shower has to partly remove the emotional part of it and become a party planner, keeping "the client" in mind. If your friend is going to be horrified by bridal bingo and ribbon bouquets, then don't do those. Make sure the theme of the party is clear on the invitations. And maybe warn some of the younger guests if there will be great grandmothers present. Racy lingerie will probably make Great Aunt Edna blush and giggle, but anything naughtier might be inappropriate.

If nothing else, get a customized figurine of the bride. According to this site, it makes a great bridal shower gift.

Planning a Bridal Shower?

Dear Flaming Tulle,
My sister is getting married in Baltimore in July. As her MofH, I'm having the shower here in June. I'm feeling lost with the shower as far as ideas. If you have any ideas or tips, I'd be so thankful!



Dear MofH,

My first rule for the whole planning of a shower though is unless it is a surprise, talk to the bride. Ask her how she envisions this day. Does she want it big or small? Seasonal or themed? If she truly doesn't care then do what you think would best honor and celebrate her and her personality and go from there.

You have a few options when planning a bridal shower too. You can go traditional or you can mix it up and go more modern.

When I say traditional I mean games, games, food, embarrassing games, and lots of flowers on tables along with some sweet invitations. If you feel that this is something the bride might want, then by all means go for it. You can find some cute invitations at your local Target or here, pick a color scheme and plan a menu that corresponds to the season and there you go. Add in balloons, a gift table, the games, a few floral centerpieces, a tasty cake and poof! You have a bridal shower.

Mixing it up is to me the most fun. Sure, traditional showers are fun, but myself? I am a mix it up girl. Will the bride actually want a couples shower? If so, then maybe it should be a cocktail party, dinner or barbecue.

Is the bride more of a cocktail girl herself? Then plan a shower around that idea. Maybe have the shower at a local winery. Does she like to be busy? Why not an activity shower? Scrap booking, flower arranging, or even a cake decorating or cooking class. You can hire someone to come in and teach for the day.

One of the best showers I ever went to had no games but was a 'Honeymoon' shower complete with a simple but divine lunch. Guests could bring traditional off-the- registry gifts or supply items with a honeymoon theme. This did not mean sex toys. Grandmas and great aunts were present. Though I did see some lube and condoms thrown into a beach bag during one present unwrapping.

At this shower, the host did many of the traditional things. There were fresh cut flowers all over her house and on the table where we dined. There was a cake, but it wasn't the typical bakery sheet cake it was the brides favorite cake with tiny silver charms baked inside that had fortunes tied to them. The bride unwrapped her gifts and most of them consisted of travel items- underwater camera, flip flops, a bathing suit and towels for two. There was sunscreen, a guidebook and basically everything she would need but might forget to pick up or pack in the busy days that lead up to the wedding. It was fun, laid back but also quite beautiful due to the food and flowers.

There is really no one way to plan a shower. Just pick a budget, an idea that best reflects the bride or couples tastes and let your imagination go to town!


Here are some basic tips from theknot regardless of what type of shower you are planning.

Other great sites for bridal shower planning include:

The Martha Stewart Way

The Wedding Channel Version

Trendy to Avant Garde


Photo from BridesClub.com

Planning too early?

This may get preachy.

It concerns me when I read in online bridal community message boards about friendships and family relationships causing drama and stress in weddng planning. Such as when a bridesmaid is asked over a year in advance, and then the friendship fizzles out. Or someone was asked to be a groomsman out of some sort of obligation, thinking they'd say no, but say yes. Are weddings being planned to early? A lot can change in a year, and even more in two years. Do you really want to lock in all your decisions so far out from the wedding day? You don't have to, you know.

There are some legitimate reasons for setting a date that's so far away from your engagement. You want to finish college. You want to buy a house first. One of you is in the military or for some other reason is not able to live nearby. That being said, you don't have to set a date right away, either. You can enjoy being engaged for a while before the stress of wedding planning sets in. (Don't bow to pressure from parents to set a date! Do it when you are ready!)

The most popular venues do book over a year in advance unfortanately, so if you have your heart set on a specific place, you just might have to set the date and then wait. But that doesn't mean you have to do all the planning so far out. You don't even have to tell people about the date yet if you don't want to. Realistically, a great wedding can be planned in less than a year.

Believe me, I know how excited you are to get started on planning as soon as possible. But do you really want it to be all you do for over a year? It's okay to look, and it's fun. Unless extensive travel is involved, though, you just don't have to make final decision that early.

It's unpleasant to think about friendships breaking up over being a bridesmaid or groomsman of course. But it unfortunately happens often. People change a lot, especially during their 20s, and someone who was your best friend and assumed maid of honor may not be there for you, for whatever reasons, 2 years later. I'm not saying don't ask, but have some understanding and compassion. Your wedding isn't the most important thing in everyone else's life.

Attendants

I have seen and read about brides having nervous breakdowns over the attendants. Bridesmaids, groomsmen (ushers), junior bridesmaids… etc. How many should there be for a formal wedding? What do I do with an uneven number? I don’t even want to get in to quibbles over best friends and ex-best friends and their maid of honor duties.

In these confusing times, I look to Emily Post. Emily Post on Weddings has a whole chapter on attendants. As much as I love Emily, I happen to disagree with her on much of her attendant advice. But she provides a guide for getting me started, fodder for my attendant thoughts.

She frowns on “men of honor” and “best women” but I think that is all right. I was a best woman once and all the guests thought it was sweet.

Emily also says that it’s okay to have more ushers than bridesmaids, but one must never have more bridesmaids than ushers. She gives no explanation why, and I can’t really think of a good one either. So I say, who cares? You might say, But at the end of the wedding and everyone exits, how will the bridesmaids and ushers walk out as couples if there’s an uneven number? And to that I say, who cares? All the guests will be focused on the bride and groom and won’t pay any attention at all to a stray bridesmaid or usher.

Did you know that, according to Emily, it’s not obligatory to include your sisters or your partner’s sisters as bridesmaids? She makes the distinction between obligatory and customary. Since many sisters assume they will be bridesmaids, it’s good to get that communication out in the open right away. Discuss the whos and the whys with your partner, then tell all the attendants as soon as they are decided upon. (Also tell them as soon as you can what their expectations and duties are.)

It’s okay to disagree with Emily (except in cases of overt rudeness of course). That’s sort of the beauty of having her around. Not caring what Emily thinks gives me license to not care what others might think. If a wedding guest is seriously watching my ceremony to make sure everything is on the up-and-up with my attendant selection and their duties, then that guest needs to get a life—and I’ll be taking notes at her wedding to make sure everything is to a “t”.

(Actually, we aren’t having any bridesmaids or ushers, just a maid of honor and a best man. Will our guests wander around aimlessly without ushers on hand? I was at a large, formal wedding that seemed to take Emily’s advice of one usher per every 50 guests, but none of the ushers did any ushering. We guests did sort of wander around looking for familiar faces in hopes of saved seats. Do I need to rethink having ushers? I don’t want any additional bridesmaids and, horror of horrors, I could end up with an uneven number! Oh, wait, we are having cocktail hour before the ceremony. I think people will have taken too much advantage of the open bar to care. Problem solved.)