The First Dance

When I got married six years ago the subject of the first dance was no longer just about the song. Gone were the days of shuffling around in a slow but repetitive circle as your guests painfully smiled on through some endlessly sappy song. Six years ago it was enough if the bride and groom went the extra mile and took some dance lessons. Then guests could watch a nervous couple take some tentative waltzing steps and then slowly gain speed and agility as the sappy song played out.

That even kept the crowd interested as long as the song wasn't something from the latest Disney film. These days it is a whole different ball game. Today, couples are choosing to surprise their guests with a choreographed show. Costumes are sometimes used as well as lights and often the slow waltzing song is quickly eliminated by some catchy beat or an old favorite that is sure to get the crowd going. When did this happen? I'm still not quite sure but the invention of You Tube has brought to light an increasing trend. The NEW and IMPROVED First Dance.

Here are a few of my favorites garnered from You Tube. I picked them for their originality or sheer fun factor. I might also point out that the whole Thriller thing as well as Dirty Dancing/No One Puts Baby in the Corner routine is now well-played out. So if you are looking to go this route then choose something that speaks to the crowd and you can really master.




I like this first one because even though it's slow you can tell the groom was totally behind this and it's his thing. Plus he got others involved which I think is a whole lot of fun for the rest of the crowd and creates a great memory for everyone.



This is my favorite by far. It's not hokey or typical even. The couple looks like they are really having a blast too. You can almost picture them cracking up at home as they practiced the whole scene.



Ok, so it is from Dirty Dancing, but it's done really well and I think that is truly what counts. It has the costumes, gets the crowd going, and incorporates others. If you are going to do something like this then practice, practice, practice and really wow the crowd. You are doing this for entertainment so by all means do so!

Book: Somebody Is Going to Die...

Somebody Is Going to Die if Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding by Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays

"As necessary as the groom might be for the proper Delta wedding, a Southern girl must never--nevah!--be congratulated upon obtaining one. To do so is an insult to the whole of Southern womanhood."

This book is quite amusing, but I can't help but think it would have been even funnier if I weren't Yankee-born. It's part study, part satire of the lengths Southern women, particularly mothers of the bride in the Mississippi Delta region, will go through to put on the perfect wedding. (There are some translations and explainations for Yankees.) It's told with juicy bits of gossip interspersed, as if you're sitting down to bourbon-laced punch with the ladies.

One really neat thing is that menues and recipes are included for certain types of weddings and the events surrounding them: traditional last Delta wedding, wedding brunch, Baptist wedding, wedding cakes, shotgun wedding, etc. I didn't realize it until just now, but it's along the lines of Amy Sedaris's "I Like You" in that it contains useful information on etiquette and traditions but it's wrapped up with a nice big satirical bow.

Oh the lengths we will go...

The whole frosting and jewelery and frosted jewelry post by Stephanie got me thinking. What else can I find? What lengths do we brides go to for fantastic and sometimes less than fantabulous things for our wedding?

Check this out- Allergies be damned! Here are tissue packets That is a bit too much work for me.

OR how about this? Nothing says class like a shot glass!

Tiff at the wedding? This one is great! It's just the message you want to convey!

Sexy Love Nuts anyone? Click here.

Now really will any of these make or break your wedding? Will you achieve marital bliss just by having a snow globe wedding topper? In Precious Moments motif? No. No, you will not stand even a smidgen of a better chance than those who decide to forgo all this paraphernalia. While there is no guarantee communication is key.

Communication, understanding, patience, and some serious give and take. Marriage is the goal, not the wedding. Besides I'm not sure anyone at the wedding really wants to see your sexy love nuts.

Planning a Wedding in CA's Gold Country

You watched me plan my East Bay wedding. Now a fellow San Francisco-area blogger is planning a wedding and sharing her research with you. Check out Travel Betty and read her research on venues in her series Planning a Wedding in California's Gold Country. She's got lots of photos up, which give an honest view of what these venues really look like (because of course the websites show only their best images!) and is asking for feedback from others who've had weddings in some of her choices. And maybe you'll find your dream venue or some honeymoon ideas while you're there.

Good luck Travel Betty! I'm partial to a wedding with breath-taking views, inconveniences be damned, so I like the Forest House Lodge.

9/19/07 Update: Travel Betty is now considering a destination wedding in Bali!

We have to put jewelry on cakes now?

Because it's not enough that we're expected to buy new earrings, necklaces, and sparkly hair clips for our wedding days, along with the wedding bands, someone wants to sell us Swarovski crystals to put on top of the cake. Cake-Jewelry.com has a showcase of exactly what the title says. You can get cake toppers (let's face it, they're cake toppers, just like Precious Moments) with various crystals, in monograms, with photographs of the couple or an "honored guest." (Because they're trying to expand into the anniversary party and sweet-sixteen party industries as well.)

There are no prices on this website. I figured it's one of those cases where if you have to ask, you can't afford it. A quick Google search will turn up their products for sale at other sites. The cheapest I saw was $25 for something called "Coastal Mist." (What the hell does that mean? It's a heart with seashells on it. Kindergardners could make it during craft time.) For $50 you get a Swarovski encrusted single letter. (Or you can get the bargain-priced partially encrusted single letter for only $40.) The one in the photo there is just over $100. (And those flowers aren't included. Apparently it's seven separate wires you stick into the top of the cake.) I found a couple that approached $200.

Does this seem a tad extravagant to anyone? Even for the fanciest of weddings... what do you do with it afterwards? I guess it's for those people that keep a cabinet over the mantle filled with the engraved champagne glasses and cake service set so they can remember the material parts of their wedding forever.

Crystals and frosting don't really seem like a classy combination to me.

Featured Bride Ashley- Dancing the Night Away!

We're back with Ashley, our featured bride, and she has new news!

Vicky: So you found a DJ- who is it?
Ashley: The DJ is James Morton with Jam Entertainment (based out of North Carolina).

V: What made you choose that one?

A: We went with this company for two reasons. Brad is friends with a gentleman who is a local DJ with this company and Brad wanted to go with him, it's the whole friend thing. Well, his friend was unable to do our wedding as he is a groomsman in another wedding that same day so he arranged for the founder of the company (James) to do the wedding. I was a bit leary as I couldn't seem to find anything online about this company and I had never met James. We met with Brad's friend and discusses price ans such. We looked over the contract and the price was right but I was still having reservations. I called James and spoke with him over the phone for a good 30 minutes and instantly felt better. He was very friendly, answered many of my questions before I even asked them.

V: That's great! Will you have a set list or required music?
A: I will probably have a list of required music, still trying to figure that out, but as far as it goes, I would like a variety of music played so everyone can enjoy. I have made the caviate that I'm not a fan of most rap or hip/hop music so very minimal will be played. James says he likes to play all kinds of music and see how the crowd responds (as each crowd is different) and from the playlists and Brad and my list he will come up with a good selection of music. It's also up to us to allow musical requests or not (still trying to decide that).

V: Is the DJ going to do anything special like a light show?
A: I'm not sure. James is going to meet face to face with Brad and I in the coming future so I'm sure we will find out more then. I don't have anything special lined up but anything can change.

V: How much of a role did Brad (fiance) play in choosing the DJ?
A: Actually a big role. It was up to him to arrange for the meetings with his friend to discuss DJ services (with a bit of proding from me to get it done). Also, he had pretty much made up his mind he wanted to use them. I had in the meantime gotten some estimates and spoken with other DJs. I had another one that I really liked but while waiting for our meeting with Brad's friend, that DJ got another request and so I had to let go of my wanting to use him since we had no solid time to meet with Brad's friend.

V: How long did you look?
A: I don't know exactly how long it took but I would roughly say about 4 months. In the beginning it was mostly just getting prices and such but then it really became important that we book a DJ.


Congratulations Ashley! You are one step closer in planning your wedding. The day will be here before you know it!

Fruit Basket Centerpiece

I'm finally starting to clean out and toss out (I mean recycle) all the wedding ideas I'd been stashing. I have a couple years' worth of Martha Stewart Good Things pages ripped from her magazines. I planned dozens of weddings in my head and fought hard for a few elements to be included in what eventually became our wedding. Sadly, some of my favorites did not make the final cut. But, fortunately for a wedding blogger, I now have a file of those favorites to pass on to you, dear readers.

Wouldn't these fruit basket centerpieces be adorable at a fall harvest wedding? Imagine them filled with bright red and green apples and pears. My thoughts were that guests could snack on the fruit before and after dinner. (I was told by more than one person that that was a silly idea. Whole fruit is too messy to eat while wearing nice clothes. Really? Everyone dove into the fresh strawberries on the brie plate without hesitation, and I would think juicy red strawberries are much messier than apples.)

A basket of fruit can be used in any season. Just check the farmers' markets for what's fresh and local. In late fall or winter you could also fill them with small gourds or pine cones. Baskets can be collected on sale at craft stores or stores like Cost Plus World Market, or at summer flea markets. Cheap, rustic table decor.

(Image from Martha Stewart's Weddings.)

Today Throws a Wedding -- Pick the Gown

I am way behind on my coverage of the Today Show Throws a Wedding with Martha Stewart. This week they're choosing the gown! I love wedding gowns. But I am not thrilled with the selection. See for yourself. Maybe they look better in real life, or at least on a tv screen rather than a thumbnail image. The Today Show has craftily made their website so that it's not easy to snag photos and re-post them. Boo!

I'm going to do my civic duty and vote. Probably for the Melissa Sweet. Let your inner wedding planner come out and make the choices for someone else's dream wedding!

I actually haven't watched any of the coverage on tv yet. I'm sure it's insipid and grating, but I'm going to try and watch for the winning gown next week.

Jonathan Edwards Winery- An Ideal Wedding Location

Do you live in New England? Are you currently searching high and low for that perfect place to hold your dream wedding? Have you considered a winery? Specifically, think the Jonathan Edwards Winery in picturesque Connecticut.

Nestled in the tiny town of North Stonington and located on a 48-acre hilltop, the Jonathan Edwards winery is truly romantic respite. From the stone patio to the English style gardens your wedding is sure to look and feel beautiful. I visited this spot recently and my first thought was, “Oh! How perfect would a wedding be here?” Sure enough a soon to be betrothed couple was planning theirs while seated at a quiet table overlooking the vineyard.



The winery holds weddings from May through October and offers up white enclosed tents for the event. This place would make an absolutely magical and incredibly festive fall wedding spot! It made me almost want to plan a whole new one just for me. There are gorgeous indoor rooms for events with wide windows, that rustic feel complete with blonde wood and a cozy fireplace. All perfect for cocktail hour and quiet affairs. You can even use the tasting room if needed! This winery is superb and accommodating and it specializes in adding truly unique touches to your day. Book quickly though, I overheard one of the tour guides saying they are quickly booking all of 2008 already.

For more information on planning your day at Jonathan Edwards Winery contact Erica at Erica@jedwardswinery.com or call (860) 535-0202.

Book Review: Altared

"The overt messsage in the bridal industry is that your wedding is the most important day of your life."

Altared, edited by Colleen Curran, is a collection of essays by strong female writers about their weddings. They are the type of women who for the most part didn't have the princess dream wedding as little girls and either found themselves surprisingly swept up in the fantasy or rebelling against it furiously.

I loved it. Of course, it validated my belief that the wedding is just one day and the marriage is supposed to last forever, so the marriage is what you should put more effort into. It's nice to know women have been thinking like this for a few years now.

I started wondering though... what if the antibride movement is perpetuating the myth of the bridezilla industry? The antibride industry wants to make money, too, obviously, or it wouldn't be hyped up in the way nothing has been since Generation X. But then I remember creepy Precious Moments cake toppers and think that the antibrides have it right. As long as those things are still being bought by someone, there's still a bridal industry to rail against.

That tangent aside, this really was an entertaining read, and all true tales from real women. One woman called off her wedding. A widow remarried. One woman writes of her arranged marriage that fell apart when her husband finally revealed he was gay (and in the community's eyes the bad marriage was all her fault). A woman writes about her and her partner's anguish over whether they should have a wedding or not, since as lesbians they feel they can probably never be legally married. There's a wedding for everyone in this book.

I know summer reading is over, but these are brief essays that you can read during commuting train rides or quiet moments at home. Check it out.

Honeymoon's Over

Literally. We got home on Thursday night, exhausted and with minor colds. We've spent the weekend going over the photos and regaling everyone we talk to with tales of our trip. (In between all the naps.)
Here we are in Salzburg:

Our full album is here.

We ate too much cheese and sausage and drank a little too much beer and wine. We actually managed to lose a few pounds due to all the walking. We spent some long nights in bad sleeping quarters, but some romantic nights on nice walks and in good restaurants.

In Poland, we saw several countryside weddings happening on a Saturday as we were walking and bussing around. In Zakopane, at a historic old church near my cousin's guesthouse, we happened upon one of these weddings. When you have your wedding at a public historic landmark I guess you have to expect a few tourists to drop in. We of course did not go inside the church, but many people outside were milling around in their traditional highland clothes. Weddings are an event for the whole town here. My cousins told us of their neighbor's daughter's wedding, a 3-day event. The church ceremony was one day. The next was a party for the family. Then a party for the whole neighborhood. Now, that's a way to celebrate!

Wedding at the old wooden church in Zakopane.

In Krakow, we saw some hilarious examples of a photographer's wedding photos. A couple photoshopped to be standing in a gigantic champagne glass.

In Edinburgh, custom-made kilt suits seem to fuel the bridal industry craziness. I also saw some gorgeous Caroline Castiglione wedding gowns there when we came across her showroom on one of the few uncrowded streets.

Back to reality now. One more day of lounging around the house before returning to work tomorrow. Summer's over, and the fall wedding season is upon us!

(Clicking on any photo will take you to larger versions on flickr.)

Groom's Cake

The Groom's Cake, long a Southern tradition, didn't start out as a cake simply depicting the groom's interest. Did you know that long ago according to folklore it was a fruitcake sliced and boxed up at the end of a wedding and given to the single women to take home. Once home they could put it under their pillow and dream of the man who would be their future spouse.

Today, the Groom's Cake is no longer just a Southern tradition. Brides all over are embracing this idea and using it as a gift, surprise, or a way to illustrate the groom's interest and personality during the wedding or rehearsal dinner. While chocolate cake is still the most popular flavor, red velvet comes in a close second. Sports teams, college mascots, and all manner of interests are created and represented on these cakes. It can also be a great way for the couple to combine something they both love and have it depicted on the cake. Wedding guests will enjoy taking a peek at this representation of the groom in a day that is typically all about the bride.

Whether you serve it at the rehearsal dinner or during the wedding doesn't matter, it's your choice. The only rules that apply are these. If the Groom's cake is served at the rehearsal dinner it should be a flavor that is the groom's favorite. If the cake is served at the wedding it should be one that offsets the wedding cake. Something rich and chocolatey or seasonal and decadent.

Look over some of these fabulous sites for ideas and pictures. Makes me want to go out and just buy a cake all for myself!

Jody's Pantry
Dianes Cakes and More
Austin Cake Lady

Gift Etiquette-The Receiver Version

This really should go unsaid, but it has come to my attention from some readers, that some of us need a refresher course on gift etiquette. Hearing that a bride sold your gift on Craigslist while you are still swilling the champagne toast might make YOU want to smash cake in her face not her poor sucker of a spouse. So while there is a wealth of information on gift giving etiquette there is scant regard on the receiver's end.


So here are a few guidelines on gift etiquette- The Receiver Version-

1. ALWAYS be gracious. Even if you are not face to face when opening the present and you think it's the ugliest tea cozy you have ever laid eyes on. Write a thank you note promptly (note: a year is not prompt) and smile. Say you found it charming if ever confronted by the gift-giver. Don't be snide.

2. Smile. Again like Rule 1, face to face requires a smile. The person did buy you a present after all. The fact that it's the fifth set of frilly hand towels you received that are NOT on your registry is beyond the point. Smile.

3. Thank you notes. Some like the rule that the bridal couple has within a year of the wedding to write their thank you notes. I personally find this rule rubbish. Lazy even. Why put it off? Write it when your memory is fresh. Keep a list of the gifts you have received and write a thank you for it within a week. People will not only be touched but impressed at how thoughtful and organized you are.

4. Keep Track. Someone should have comprised a list of the gifts you received at your shower with a name next to each gift. If not they really should. Remember that for your next shower or party.

5. Returns. Don't tell the gift giver that you returned their gift, sold it, exchanged it, or even that there was a problem with it. If it broke in delivery that is not their fault so don't be snotty and tell them about it. If they ask you can be honest, but remember rule number one as well.


These rules may seem simple, but I'm continuously amazed at the comments I get from readers about showers and weddings they've attended where this type of behavior occurs. We all need a bit of a refresher course from time to time.

Bridesmaid Cards

When it comes to weddings you can find everything these days. It is unreal the stuff that Steph and I come up with. Every once in a while though you find something that is a true gem. A touch of class and elegance that can be hard to find in a tulle-candysashed-wedding bells world.



The 'Be my Bridesmaid' cards ($3) from the designer at olio style strike just that cord. They are simply beautiful in an old world way and it's really a touching idea that can turn into a keepsake. I wrote my bridesmaids letters asking them to do me the honor as well as highlighting all the reasons they were so special to me. I think it's a wonderful thing to do for a friend, especially one who might be wearing a dress she loathes or can barely afford. That's a true friend!

olio style specializes in custom designed stationary and will work with you to create that perfect touch you are looking for. Check them out today they do a bit of everything including invitations!

Low-Budget Weddings – Dresses and Favors

Two quick tips:

1. As I was walking by the American Cancer Society Discover Shop in my town this morning I saw a stunning cranberry-red evening gown in the window and immediately thought it would be beautiful in a formal autumn wedding, for either a maid of honor or an adventurous bride. The California shops are having a Fall Preview/Summer Clearance sale at the end of August. Who knows? You may find the dress of your dreams and help a good cause.

2. Target has mini-lunchboxes filled with candy for $1 each. The outside pictures are Toosie Rolls, Double-Bubble, Now & Laters, etc., and each box is filled with that candy. These would be adorable favors at a candy-themed or Halloween-time wedding.

Honeymoon! Update

Well, we are finally leaving for our honeymoon in 2 days. (See previous post.) We have a weekend of packing ahead of us.

My new backpack. We decided to go with backpacks instead of suitcases. We'll be getting on and off a lot of busses and trains, and I'm not good at running for trains dragging a wheeled suitcase. Also, in some cities we'll only have a couple hours to explore and backpacks are easier to shove in a locker at the bus station than a big suitcase. Both our backpacks come with detachable day packs, so we have convenient smaller packs for our hiking days.

Clothes. Backpacks plus a 50-pound weight limit for luggage make for some creative packing. (Although if my backpack weighs anywhere near 50 pounds I won't be able to carry it.) Which shoes do I wear and which do I pack? Do I really need all these toiletries or can I buy some along the way? I am not a light packer and this is becoming quite a puzzle for me. We had to decide on the style of clothing we'd be wearing ahead of time, even before I bought my backpack, since dressy clothes need more space than casual clothes. (Comfortable walking clothes plus one or two decent outfits for the occasional nice dinner. Nothing that requires a garment bag.) We are one of those couples that matches, albeit unintentionally. It's disgusting, I know, but bound to happen when your casual wardrobes consist of jeans, cargo shorts, and the same spectrum of t-shirt colors.

Books. We have guidebooks for 5 different countries. Plus we need books for regular reading on all those planes and trains. Yes, we can buy some along the way but we'll each need at least one for the first 11-hour plane ride. My book of choice is Altared, a paperback long enough to read for a couple days but not so big it won't fit comfortably in my carry-on.

Passports. We planned an entire European vacation without valid passports in hand during this passport drought. We figured the expedited fee into our travel budget, and once we got around to applying for them (mine was lost, Mike's needed to be renewed) we had them within 4 days. It's still taking several months to get a passport in the regular way, and in October you'll need them for flying from Mexico and Canada. If you're planning an international trip next year, apply for your passport today!

Snacks. I have a food allergy so I'm bringing my own hot cereal and breakfast bars. Lunch and dinner is usually easier than breakfast, and I have little cards printed out in German and Polish that explain the food allergy to waiters. I showed the Polish card to my Polish cousin (we're staying with him in Zakopane!) and he said it's an excellent translation that makes the problem very clear. I was relieved to hear that. He gave me the words for some foods I can definitely eat and some I definitely cannot. But he also said bringing my own cereal is a good idea for breakfast.

Gifts for my cousins in Poland! Dropping everything to make houseguests feel welcome is a big tradition in the town they live. But it's also expected that those houseguests bring gifts in return for the hospitality. (Just in case they read this I don't want to mention what the gifts are!)

That's a lot to cram into a backpack that I'll be lugging around for 3 weeks. Luckily the Polish cousins are the first stop on the trip, so we can unload the gifts to make room for souvenirs.

Vicky's going on vacation too at the end of August, so it will get quiet around here. But I'll be taking notes on anything wedding related I see. Keep planning!

Auf wiedersehen!

Winter Wedding Dress

Erin at A Dress A Day recently posted about this dress, Vogue 2979, and I have to agree with her on every point.

A shivering bride wearing a strapless, sleeveless summer dress in outdoor winter photographs is not attractive. You're not showing your most glamourous side. And some of those old churches get drafty too. Do you want to shiver your way through the vows?

And with covered arms not only do you not have to worry about tricep dips for the next 6 months, you don't have to worry about summer tanlines from bathing suits and tank tops! (Althought the short-sleeved version is pretty cute, too. You may not want to give up on the tricep dips entirely.)

Brides Decide

Of course they do! Who else but a bride is right? Ok, they may be right about their own weddings, but politics? This fun site brought to you by the all things wedding all the time people at the knot and the Wedding Channel now bring you in floral red, white and blue ribboned glory, BridesDecide.

I myself am a lover of politics and I think I can safely say so is Stephanie. I think this site is amusing (check out wedding albums from the candidates) and informative. Somewhat. What I think I really like the most? The fact that all the candidates are lined up in a nice, neat row. You can click on their pictures and get a nice overview of their stances on the main issues and a bit of background. The fact that you can see pictures of Mike Huckabee's wedding day, complete with a powder blue tuxedo just makes it more fun. Their engagement stories are cute, it rained on Gravel's outdoor wedding, and Hillary talks about flirting with Bill at the Yale library, makes them all seem yes, a bit more approachable.

I could go on and on about the sheer politics of this site, but I do think it's fun and worth checking out.


*Photo courtesy of bridesdecide and The Huckabee family.

Disney Weddings

I've still got those creepy Precious Moments "wedding essentials" on my mind and it's led me to think about the youngness of people who get married. And that led to other kids' stuff mixing with wedding stuff. Now I'm under the impression that if you insist on having your wedding or honeymoon at Disney World, then you might be too young to be married. Think about it. Disney is for kids. They say it's for families and that's why the have some rides for the grown-ups, but really, it's about branding children from a young age so they'll be able to take your money for a lifetime.

If you love Disney that much, then you'll most likely have kids that you can take to Disneyland or Disney World some day. So don't you want to take one grown-up vacation while you have the opportunity? On one forum I read the post of a bride who was looking into either a cruise or a Disney World honeymoon. Someone suggested as a compromise going to Disneyland instead for a couple days then cruising from Los Angeles to Mexico. She responded that wasn't an option because they live in Anaheim so go to Disneyland all the time and want to do something different for their honeymoon. What? If you really want to do something different, go to Hawaii, go to Europe, go to the Florida Keys... Don't go to Disney World!

I know it's your wedding so of course you have to do your own thing. But if children's cartoon characters are the central theme of your wedding, and your last name isn't Disney... all I'm saying is that Disney is for kids and marriage is for grown-ups.

Wedding Pictures!

The moment many have been waiting for... I can finally share my wedding pictures! The full album is here on flickr.

Some highlights:

Mike running in late with his shirt


Us


Family portrait


Ceremony


My dress


Kids are cute


My bouquet -- not bad for $10!


Clicking on any of the photos will take you to the full set on flickr. All photography by gumgirl. She and her assistant were a joy to have at the wedding with us. They blended into the background when they needed to but also got up and did their job when they needed to. All the guests loved having them around, they made everyone feel at ease about having their pictures taken. I fully recommend them to any brides in the San Francisco/Bay Area.