"Just Engaged" Nail Polish Collection

While the thought of marketing special wedding nail polish sort of makes me gag, when we were offered samples of Sally Hansen's new "Just Engaged" nail polishes, we said yes. We love nail polish. And free stuff.

I was skeptical at first. I don't always find Sally Hansen to be the best quality, but it's easy on my wallet. And I laughed out loud when I saw the bottles. Part of the Diamond Strength line, the bottles have faux gemstones glued to them, like the ones you see stuck in Troll dolls' belly-buttons. Still, I never turn down nail polish. My finger- and toe-tips have been the site of many a polish experiment.

The quality. It's pretty good. Vicky and I were both surprised that days later there were no chips. And we type and sew and cook and clean and do all sorts of things with our hands on a regular basis. Also, the gloss lasted for almost a week. We applied the polish on a Friday. On Wednesday I noticed the color starting to look less-than-glossy. I know you're not supposed to do this for optimum nail polish health, but I applied a second coat over the first one in order to pump up the gloss factor for a meeting later that day. This is a polish that you can put on a few days before the wedding and bring along on the honeymoon for a quick touch-up.

The marketing. It's insipid. The three colors we have are fairly neutral. They're nice for every day if you want some sheen but nothing that screams "Look at my nails!" They could have descriptive nail polish names like Cloud or Milky Way or Strawberry Mousse. But they have names like "I Do," "Sheer Magic," and "Sealed with a Kiss." The press release describes this collection as "The perfect complement to a ring." For Pete's sake, you should buy nail polish because you like the color, not because you are a bride.

If you can get over the marketing, you'll find good quality nail polish. The Sally Hansen "Just Engaged" collection retails for $4.75 a bottle and is available at drugstores nationwide.

(I admit that when we started this blog I wasn't thinking about reviews and free stuff. But if you want to send us something for review, we'd be happy to have a crack at it. Oh, and if there are any free passes to bridal shows in the D.C.-Metro Area, we'd be happy to take them off your hands. Email us at flamingtulle at gmail dot com.)

The Afghan Wedding Industry

I'm back to wedding blogging! I'm settling in to my hotel room in rather bland Northern Virginia suburb and on a cold rainy day like today my mind drifts to thoughts of warm spring days (which are nice days for weddings!).

I think so much about the American wedding industry and how it's sort of destroying the fun and family elements of a wedding and turn it into a credit card monstrosity. Recently I came across an article in the New York Times about weddings in Afghanistan:

KABUL JOURNAL
Big Weddings Bring Afghans Joy, and Debt
By KIRK SEMPLE
Published: January 14, 2008
In one of the poorest countries in the world, extravagant weddings are a mainstay of modern life.

There's so much pressure to conform to the wedding traditions there, especially in the years since the Taliban fell. The Taliban had outlawed many elements of the festive traditional wedding, so now there's even more pressure to bring those elements back into weddings, as part of a celebration of freedom.

I can be all for a big traditional family event. But in Afghanistan the burden of paying for the wedding, prewedding parties, and a "reverse dowry" falls on the groom. The average yearly salaries are under $10,000 yet a "budget" wedding comes in around $12,000. What do you do when tradition is utterly impractical? The large, lavish wedding is often dictated by the bride's family and it's a way for the groom to show his status within the community. What's ironic is the groom often needs to borrow money and starts off married life in debt, which seems like a way to instantly lose some of your status. He's done all this work to prove to the bride and her family that he's worthy... and then can't pay the regular household expenses afterward. It all seems so backwards.

Reading the article really puts an American wedding into perspective. We're so lucky to have the freedom to say "No!" to the traditional wedding trappings if we want to. (No matter what your family pressure may be, you really do have that choice.) Yet we are still pressured, even if it's subliminal, by advertisements or the sense of living up to others' expectations. And we don't, and shouldn't, have to start our married lives in debt due to wedding expenses.

(Image from the New York Times)

Oh Whatever - I'm Just Going to Give You This

I'm having immense trouble with some email so my scheduled piece on our featured bride Ashley is going to have to wait a bit. In a fit of rage at hotmail and msn I found this little gem on their site. I use the term gem loosely because quite frankly "what's hot in '08" is basically more of the same. GO BIG. Go broke is what I say. "GO BIG!", says the industry and I want to barf.

I'm sick of the big weddings without personality but claim to scream personalization. I'm sick of the slickness and use of the word 'luxe'. Isn't there something better one can spend their money on than a 15K dress with the must have accent of gray? Do you have to have gold-plated tartlettes? I realize that it is the couples day and it is their money to with what they wish, but in a sense it just seems very gauche.

My trend for '08? Don't go for broke. Go for quiet style and sophistication. Go green. Go tasteful and not bombastic. Donate money or take a green honeymoon instead of throwing pearls and using jet fuel going to multiple locations. That's just me though and I'm sick of the gluttony today.

Anyway, here are the trends for 2008 from the wedding industry big wigs. (Then my snarky remarks)

1. It's all about more, more, more. Multiples really. In dresses it is one formal gown for the ceremony and a fun one for reception. (Hey, keep those seamstresses employed with more complex beading I say! Plus it makes your guests wait even longer for the alcohol.)

2. Hairdressers need love too. Do various hair styles throughout your day. (Why not make the day even more endless for your guests. Make them wait for not just the photo ops after the ceremony, but also your next 'do. Awesome.)

3. The Marie Antoinette take on a reception. Luxe floral arrangements. Brocade, feathers and gilded pieces. (This actually can be quite beautiful but since I'm on a roll here let me just say this- we all know what happened to Marie Antoinette don't we?)

4. Vintage. This is a good one. Except don't go buy vintage looking pieces. Buy actual vintage-wear. Old china would look fab at the reception or in your cabinets. A vintage dress or tux from an era you love works too. Antique candelabras and other assorted pieces like napkin rings or placecards would make a unique look. Even vintage rings. This is by far my favorite trend and it's green too. It is far better to buy actual vintage wares than buying the reproductions. It's also fun to search. Have at it!

5. Cover bands. Also acceptable to this cantankerous and strongly opinionated blogger. Hire a fun band referred by a friend or you have actually seen in action. Cover bands are loads of fun, not terribly expensive and you are helping your fellow man by giving the group a gig.


*For the original and more serious take on this list by a Knot expert click here.

DIY -- Embellished Shoes

We all know those commericals for the Bedazzler. Tacky, right? Maybe not, if you take it down a notch. Love designer shoes but can't love the price tag? Bridesmaids throwing up at the thought of dyeables? Try adding a little sparkle to a plain pair of pumps or sandals.

While searching for something completely unrelated I found this tutorial for Swarovski Embellished Shoes. Substitute Swarovski crystals for anything you want: pearls, beads, small gemstones... And you could turn a pair of Payless Shoes into something a little more designer. Check these out for inspiration:



(Above images from Neiman Marcus.)

Paying for designer shoes is one thing. Even I'm tempted sometimes by a nice pair of Pucchis or Oscars. But if you're really in the mood for shelling out big bucks for crap, check out Wedding Tennies.com, where for upwards of $100 you can buy the same pair of white flip-flops you could get at Old Navy with stuff glued on (left). I'm against flip-flops as formal wedding wear, but if you absolutely must wear them, take 5 minutes to glue them yourself. I just can't live knowing that a site like Wedding Tennies.com is actually encouraged to exist.

"Say Yes" follow-up

I actually haven't had a chance to watch Say Yes to the Dress yet, but I just saw a commercial for it and remembered that Vicky posted about it. I was interested in watching it, but I've been reading One Perfect Day and just got to the chapter about wedding dresses and it's a real eye opener. Since I didn't step foot in a single bridal salon for my dress, I had no idea why women were told they had to buy their dresses so many months in advance. Alterations should take a couple weeks, not 6 months or more. So why does it take so long to get a wedding dress?

Bridal salons are in the market of selling the princess idea along with the idea that there's one perfect dress just for you (just like there's one perfect soulmate for you). When you try on the dresses in the salon, you're trying on samples meant for dozens of women to try on. Then they order the dress for you, giving you the sense that this dress is being made for you and you alone. And in a sense that's true in that it's not made until you order it. But, when the order comes through to the Asian wedding dress factory, it's still being made in a generic, cookie-cutter size. It has little to do with your actual measurements. Those measurements come in to play once the dress arrives back at the salon and they have the tailor fret over you to make the dress perfectly yours. This is such a manufactured scam. There's no practical reason why they can't keep different sizes in stock to sell you, like any other clothing store. It's just that "off-the-rack" appears "cheap," and you'll spend more money on that special made-just-for-you feeling. And it keeps the dress making costs down in that they're producing the cookie-cutter sizes instead of unique sizes (so, cheaper for the business but they don't exactly pass the savings on to the consumers).

Business consultants advise dress salespeople to avoid "untraditional" or "unconventional" brides because they will lose patience with the process and won't spend money on the wedding dress dream. Heaven forbid a woman wants to be practical about her wedding dress! That's bad for business. That's partially where David's Bridal comes in, in that you can theoretically buy a dress one morning and wear it that afternoon. As you can imagine, bridal salon owners abhor David's Bridal because they are ruining the "one perfect dress" sales pitch, I mean dream. (Although David's Bridal isn't perfect either. They are a business filling a niche, re-scripting the bridal dream.)

Reading this book has fueled a number of rants that I'm working on for further posts.

Wedding Advice from Jessica Simpson

Oh readers, you don't know what we go through for you. All this time I've been offline not blogging, I've been sneaking around my house with Jessica Simpson's I Do: Achieving Your Dream Wedding. My husband is too embarrassed to be in the same room with the book, so I had to hide it. I've now renewed it twice at the library (where some volunteer is probably snickering at my account) and I refuse to let this be an overdue book, so it's time I blogged and released it. (I'm not linking to the book. If you want it, you have to search for it yourself.)

It's taking me so long to get through because I can only "read" for about 5 minutes at a time. (Using the term "read" loosely. Mostly I look at pictures and skim captions.)

There are such nuggets as "setting the date can be as complex as an algebraic equation," to interviewing Vera Wang about dresses--since that's on everyone's wedding to-do list. One of the first big things you should do is interview a wedding coordinator. Then a photographer. Then everything else falls into place.

Every bride should have a hairstylist, a hair colorist, two makeup artists, a personal stylist, and a manicurist. Sure, who could live without that entourage? I'd die without my hair colorist and second makeup artist in tow. And according to the pictures, your sister should have the same hair color as you, but a less-flattering style.

Grooms aren't that important. There are hardly any photos of Nick, and while I haven't read every word, his little thoughts and quotes don't seem to be as prevalent as Jessica's. There's a lot of do-it-your-way, which feels insincere when it's surrounded by pull quotes of how Jessica did it. (Because her way isn't realistic for the majority of brides.)

Oh, and make sure the flowers are the exact shade of white as your wedding dress.

This is so bad I can't even call it a guilty pleasure. I just feel guilty.

Note the irony in achieving your dream wedding, but not necessarily your dream marriage.

I now have to find a tote bag big enough for carting this back to the library. When I picked it up, it didn't fit in my bag and I had to carry it through town for all to see. At least I can give the excuse, "It's okay--I'm a wedding blogger."

We have to put jewelry on cakes now?

Because it's not enough that we're expected to buy new earrings, necklaces, and sparkly hair clips for our wedding days, along with the wedding bands, someone wants to sell us Swarovski crystals to put on top of the cake. Cake-Jewelry.com has a showcase of exactly what the title says. You can get cake toppers (let's face it, they're cake toppers, just like Precious Moments) with various crystals, in monograms, with photographs of the couple or an "honored guest." (Because they're trying to expand into the anniversary party and sweet-sixteen party industries as well.)

There are no prices on this website. I figured it's one of those cases where if you have to ask, you can't afford it. A quick Google search will turn up their products for sale at other sites. The cheapest I saw was $25 for something called "Coastal Mist." (What the hell does that mean? It's a heart with seashells on it. Kindergardners could make it during craft time.) For $50 you get a Swarovski encrusted single letter. (Or you can get the bargain-priced partially encrusted single letter for only $40.) The one in the photo there is just over $100. (And those flowers aren't included. Apparently it's seven separate wires you stick into the top of the cake.) I found a couple that approached $200.

Does this seem a tad extravagant to anyone? Even for the fanciest of weddings... what do you do with it afterwards? I guess it's for those people that keep a cabinet over the mantle filled with the engraved champagne glasses and cake service set so they can remember the material parts of their wedding forever.

Crystals and frosting don't really seem like a classy combination to me.

Today Throws a Wedding -- Pick the Gown

I am way behind on my coverage of the Today Show Throws a Wedding with Martha Stewart. This week they're choosing the gown! I love wedding gowns. But I am not thrilled with the selection. See for yourself. Maybe they look better in real life, or at least on a tv screen rather than a thumbnail image. The Today Show has craftily made their website so that it's not easy to snag photos and re-post them. Boo!

I'm going to do my civic duty and vote. Probably for the Melissa Sweet. Let your inner wedding planner come out and make the choices for someone else's dream wedding!

I actually haven't watched any of the coverage on tv yet. I'm sure it's insipid and grating, but I'm going to try and watch for the winning gown next week.

Disney Weddings

I've still got those creepy Precious Moments "wedding essentials" on my mind and it's led me to think about the youngness of people who get married. And that led to other kids' stuff mixing with wedding stuff. Now I'm under the impression that if you insist on having your wedding or honeymoon at Disney World, then you might be too young to be married. Think about it. Disney is for kids. They say it's for families and that's why the have some rides for the grown-ups, but really, it's about branding children from a young age so they'll be able to take your money for a lifetime.

If you love Disney that much, then you'll most likely have kids that you can take to Disneyland or Disney World some day. So don't you want to take one grown-up vacation while you have the opportunity? On one forum I read the post of a bride who was looking into either a cruise or a Disney World honeymoon. Someone suggested as a compromise going to Disneyland instead for a couple days then cruising from Los Angeles to Mexico. She responded that wasn't an option because they live in Anaheim so go to Disneyland all the time and want to do something different for their honeymoon. What? If you really want to do something different, go to Hawaii, go to Europe, go to the Florida Keys... Don't go to Disney World!

I know it's your wedding so of course you have to do your own thing. But if children's cartoon characters are the central theme of your wedding, and your last name isn't Disney... all I'm saying is that Disney is for kids and marriage is for grown-ups.

Essentials?

I've discovered yet another website dedicated to selling you stuff you don't need for your wedding. While browsing for tacky thank-you notes I came across OurMarriage.com. At first glance it looks like your run-of-the-mill etiquette and advice site with the same information you'll find everywhere. But poke around a bit and you'll eventually get to Ceremony Essentials, and that's where you'll find Precious Moments. Essentials? Not one piece of Precious Moments merchandise is essential to anything, let alone an event as important as your wedding ceremony. And I'm sorry, but I can't see any man on the planet signing, framing, and proudly hanging in his living room the Precious Moments Marriage Certificate.
It's just wrong and it makes me cry to think that people buy this stuff for their weddings. The Precious Moments cake toppers seem to be pretty popular for some reason. Why? Why!

(For the Olympics of crap-tastic wedding stuff, check out one of my favorite blogs, Stupid Wedding Crap.)

Princess Gowns

We here at Flaming Tulle missed the boat in terms of the excitement of Disney princess inspired gowns last spring. (I was a little busy with my own gown. And we both dislike Disney.) So, here you go. Disney Bridal. I think they are nice gowns, but don't see what's so princess inspired about them, other than the fact that all wedding gowns are supposed to make a woman feel like a princess. They are the top of the totem pole for Disney branding. A baby girl can sleep in her Disney princess nightgown from birth, then get married in her Disney princess gown. (And you have kids, more lil' Disney consumers!) At least the prices aren't so bad though. That's a pleasant surprise.

But take a look at some real princess gowns.

Princess Diana


Princess Grace


Too bad only about 5 people in the world can afford those kinds of princess dresses. I'm pretty sure, though, that you can find a nice, affordable wedding dress without the Disney princess branding.

Engaged & Underaged, revisited

Recently someone claiming to be Josh from an episode of Engaged and Underaged commented on my post about the show. If it really is Josh, then thanks for your comment and I hope life and marriage really are better for you and Bre than portrayed on the show. And I invite the two of you to continue reading and commenting.

I maintain, though, that it is just one of many wedding shows that portray young women (and men) negatively.

2 Days

I was bored yesterday afternoon. I had nothing to do. My mom was working on my dress. Mike was getting his mom from the airport. I puttered around the house. By the time Mike came home, we had about 20 minutes to get changed and catch the train to the city for our dinner with parents, brothers, and officiant. It was a really good dinner. But I was up late and I'm too tired now to post too much about it.

One thing I did yesterday afternoon was laugh over the Exclusively Weddings catalog that arrived in the mail. It's too late for me, but you can order custom soaps, creepy mother-daughter keepsake figurines, and personalized photos of the beach:


Okay, I kinda get that this might be a cool thing to do if you're at the beach taking photos yourselves. But paying someone else to go to the beach, write your name, and then take the picture... Something doesn't feel right. It doesn't seem like unique artwork to me. It seems like one more piece of customized crap. (Which really isn't fair to the beach. That's why it erases your name so quickly.)

Engaged & Underaged

Engaged & Underaged is a hilarious, yet sad, new show on MTV. It's obnoxious (so is the website--turn off your speakers before clicking) and nearly unbearable to watch except for the delicious voyeur factor I've mentioned before that comes with wedding planning. The premise is each episode chronicles the last month of wedding planning for youngsters between the ages of 19 and 22. Mostly the parents disagree with the young marriages but sit back and let things unfold. Sometimes with blank checks, sometimes with very little help.

I can't tell the angle of the show. There's pure drama. But are they trying to teach a lesson in waiting until you're older to get married? Or are they encouraging the young unbridled love? There's always the tense cliff-hanger moment just before a commercial break where there's been a fight and maybe they'll call the wedding off! But then they get married after all and everything is peachy. Until the one-month-later follow-up that shows the reality of kids living together. (One couple had gone completely broke and was living in a trailer in one of their parents' backyards. I don't know about them, but I'd rather be dating and living in my parents' house than married and living in my parents' backyard.)

In general, I think very few people are mature enough for marriage at 19 these days. There's so much life out there to live and you can't do all that if you're married. College. Jobs. It's all different. What about the experience of having a couple bad relationships so you know when the really good one comes along? Girls, we have plenty of time to get married. We don't have to move from our parents to our husbands.

An excerpt from one of the episode guides reads, "Bre gave up school and is working to support Josh's dreams of becoming a graphic artist." No no no no no no no! Bre! You are too young to give up your life for a guy. This couple actually buys a house together, and with clever editing, Bre apparently paints and repairs the whole thing herself and forgives Josh for goofing off with his brother instead of helping her. Josh is no dummy and has found a good woman to take care of him in place of his mom. (Seriously. In the post-episode follow-up video, "What I like best about Bre? She takes care of me. Cooks, does the laundry, does the dishes." Makes me want to pull Bre's hair out for sitting there and taking it.)

I feel like maybe I'm being a little harsh? But I am so sad for the state of young women these days. There are so many negative role models and so much negative media and pressure on women and perpetuation of stereotypes. Are we reverting back to the times of marriage instead of school and careers?

Poking around BlissWeddingMarket.com

The internet is a weird, wacky place. Researching stuff for your wedding (or your wedding blog) will reveal some scary search results. (Do a Google Images search for “wedding” or “bride” and see how many pictures of Russian mail-order brides turn up in the results.)

Recently my search brought me to BlissWeddingMarket.com. It’s one of those Scary Wedding Industry sites that wants you to spend lots of money.

It’s not enough to have placecards, they have to be held by this creepy angel. The placement of the bottom of the stand makes me very uncomfortable. And cherubs in general freak me out.

As much as I can’t stand this kind of Scary Wedding Industry website, I have to admit these are cute party tickets. Pricey, though. If you're lucky you're a graphic designer or have a friend who is who could easily whip these up.

Mmmm, what a delicious couple.

Initialed toilet paper. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

The thing is, some of this stuff is actually cute, or at least good inspiration. It's just so over-priced. Even if you have an unlimited budget, why would you spend it on these products? It just doesn't make sense.

Favors 2

To follow up with Vicky, I think that most of the offerings from the Wedding Favor Industry are tacky pieces of junk. See the engagement ring key chain favor. I'm not making this up. It's a "real key chain" that "features an enormous faux diamond." Is this seriously what you want your wedding budget to go toward? (Last time I checked, this item was on backorder, which means people are actually buying it, and want to buy more! C'mon!)

Like at any party, appropriate favors at the wedding reception can add to the festivities. Little boxes of candies or chocolates or other snack items are usually welcome by everyone. Fun favors can be a part of the overall theme of the party. One wedding I went to was a 1930s themed costume party, and the favors were masks like what might have been worn at a costume party in the 1930s. The guests had a good time playing with their masks. Favors can be part of the table decor. I'd like to make some little doo-dad from the same dried flowers that will be used in our centerpieces. People may take them home as a keepsake or not, but at least they'll look nice on the table, and that's what's important to me. I love the idea of small potted plants for an eco-friendly reception but they would not be easy for out-of-town guests to transport home, so take your guests into consideration when deciding on favors. (I once took an entire live-plant centerpiece home from a wedding and replanted it in my garden--once the bride gave the go-ahead for people to take them home. I no longer have a garden, so have no use unfortunately for live-plant favors or centerpieces myself.)

Think long and hard about personalized favors. They may be important to you, but what about the frequent wedding guest who has a cupboard full of mismatched wine glasses, shot glasses, votive holders, and coasters with other peoples' names on them? Those get put away to collect dust, and then eventually thrown out. If you must personalize something, invest in personalized ribbon or paper for wrapping the favors in.

As someone who loves planning parties, I love the idea of the right favor. But as Vicky said, they are not going to make or break the wedding, so think about them carefully. Especially if you are on a tight budget, where do you really want that money going?