Planning a Bridal Shower, part 2

Vicky asked me to chime in on her post about bridal shower planning. Honestly, I know little about them. I didn't want one and didn't have one. So... take Vicky's advice.

One thing I'd say is it seems like a best friend or MoH throwing a bridal shower has to partly remove the emotional part of it and become a party planner, keeping "the client" in mind. If your friend is going to be horrified by bridal bingo and ribbon bouquets, then don't do those. Make sure the theme of the party is clear on the invitations. And maybe warn some of the younger guests if there will be great grandmothers present. Racy lingerie will probably make Great Aunt Edna blush and giggle, but anything naughtier might be inappropriate.

If nothing else, get a customized figurine of the bride. According to this site, it makes a great bridal shower gift.

Planning a Bridal Shower?

Dear Flaming Tulle,
My sister is getting married in Baltimore in July. As her MofH, I'm having the shower here in June. I'm feeling lost with the shower as far as ideas. If you have any ideas or tips, I'd be so thankful!



Dear MofH,

My first rule for the whole planning of a shower though is unless it is a surprise, talk to the bride. Ask her how she envisions this day. Does she want it big or small? Seasonal or themed? If she truly doesn't care then do what you think would best honor and celebrate her and her personality and go from there.

You have a few options when planning a bridal shower too. You can go traditional or you can mix it up and go more modern.

When I say traditional I mean games, games, food, embarrassing games, and lots of flowers on tables along with some sweet invitations. If you feel that this is something the bride might want, then by all means go for it. You can find some cute invitations at your local Target or here, pick a color scheme and plan a menu that corresponds to the season and there you go. Add in balloons, a gift table, the games, a few floral centerpieces, a tasty cake and poof! You have a bridal shower.

Mixing it up is to me the most fun. Sure, traditional showers are fun, but myself? I am a mix it up girl. Will the bride actually want a couples shower? If so, then maybe it should be a cocktail party, dinner or barbecue.

Is the bride more of a cocktail girl herself? Then plan a shower around that idea. Maybe have the shower at a local winery. Does she like to be busy? Why not an activity shower? Scrap booking, flower arranging, or even a cake decorating or cooking class. You can hire someone to come in and teach for the day.

One of the best showers I ever went to had no games but was a 'Honeymoon' shower complete with a simple but divine lunch. Guests could bring traditional off-the- registry gifts or supply items with a honeymoon theme. This did not mean sex toys. Grandmas and great aunts were present. Though I did see some lube and condoms thrown into a beach bag during one present unwrapping.

At this shower, the host did many of the traditional things. There were fresh cut flowers all over her house and on the table where we dined. There was a cake, but it wasn't the typical bakery sheet cake it was the brides favorite cake with tiny silver charms baked inside that had fortunes tied to them. The bride unwrapped her gifts and most of them consisted of travel items- underwater camera, flip flops, a bathing suit and towels for two. There was sunscreen, a guidebook and basically everything she would need but might forget to pick up or pack in the busy days that lead up to the wedding. It was fun, laid back but also quite beautiful due to the food and flowers.

There is really no one way to plan a shower. Just pick a budget, an idea that best reflects the bride or couples tastes and let your imagination go to town!


Here are some basic tips from theknot regardless of what type of shower you are planning.

Other great sites for bridal shower planning include:

The Martha Stewart Way

The Wedding Channel Version

Trendy to Avant Garde


Photo from BridesClub.com

Glamour's 20 Wedding Do's and Don'ts

We here at Flaming Tulle are on holiday break, but that doesn't mean our minds aren't on blogging. It just means we're not sitting in front of computers. Vicky has parents, in-laws, and a toddler to deal with. I found out a week ago that I have to move to D.C. by the end of January so I'm in the throes of moving madness.

But weddings are still on our minds, at least part-time. While sitting around this morning half working, half waiting for maintenance guys to pop in, half flipping through tv channels, I came across Glamour's 20 Wedding Do's and Don'ts on the Style channel. While it's partly a montage of celebrities and celebrity designers and quippy sound bites, they're actually giving some good advice. Don't make your bridesmaids spend a lot of money on ugly dresses. Did you know that even Vera Wang has a closet full of ugly bridesmaids dresses? Make sure your veil doesn't look like mosquito netting. If you splurge on your dress, make sure you don't skimp in another important aspect of the wedding. One person noted that a $15K wedding dress and a cash bar are incredibly tacky. That same person noted that men should buy their tuxedoes: If you're grown up enough to get married, you're grown up enough to own a tuxedo. (They can be affordable! For serious! They're often cheaper than wedding dresses.)

And of course, what celebrity wedding discussion would be complete without mention of one of my absolute favorite wedding dresses, the Gwen Stefani gown. It's still tops on everyone's list for all-time great gowns. It's beautiful and actually quite big and pouffy while still complementing the style of the woman who's wearing it.

If you get a hankering for one of those end of the year countdown shows, Glamour's 20 Wedding Do's and Don'ts is an entertaining hour.

Oh the lengths we will go...

The whole frosting and jewelery and frosted jewelry post by Stephanie got me thinking. What else can I find? What lengths do we brides go to for fantastic and sometimes less than fantabulous things for our wedding?

Check this out- Allergies be damned! Here are tissue packets That is a bit too much work for me.

OR how about this? Nothing says class like a shot glass!

Tiff at the wedding? This one is great! It's just the message you want to convey!

Sexy Love Nuts anyone? Click here.

Now really will any of these make or break your wedding? Will you achieve marital bliss just by having a snow globe wedding topper? In Precious Moments motif? No. No, you will not stand even a smidgen of a better chance than those who decide to forgo all this paraphernalia. While there is no guarantee communication is key.

Communication, understanding, patience, and some serious give and take. Marriage is the goal, not the wedding. Besides I'm not sure anyone at the wedding really wants to see your sexy love nuts.

Question! Part 2

I agree with Vicky that it's probably okay to wear a dress that's the same as the wedding colors. Neutral colors like chocolate have surely been worn to weddings with the same color scheme before. Just make sure you don't look like a bridesmaid!

If you know the wedding is, say, chocolate and turquoise, then accessorize with any color other than turquoise. Or see if the chocolate colored dress you want is available in a print that uses chocolate and another color.

If you're confident you're looking your best and not self-conscious about the wedding colors, then probably no one will notice or care.

Now, I question chocolate as an August wedding color because I'm picturing lots of melting stickiness, but that's neither here nor there.

Question!

Hi there Stephanie and Vicky,

I have a wedding question for you. I'm attending a wedding at the end
of the month. Each of the three dresses that I love (I've looked, not
purchased yet) are chocolate. The wedding colors include chocolate.
Is it bad form to wear one of the wedding colors?

Thanks!
Candi

It's Vicky here. I'll be answering the question and then Stephanie will add her opinion as well.

Candi,

My first thought is -what time of day is the wedding? Is it indoors or outside? Darker colors, like a chocolate brown, tend to be more formal. What type of fabric are these dresses that you are looking at? These things need to be considered and may help you make a better decision. It is not bad form to wear the colors of the wedding because one cannot possibly gauge what those colors will be. It's only bad form if you show up in white, in sequins to a daytime wedding, or wearing the actual bridesmaid dress when you are in fact, ahem... not a bridesmaid.

Hope this helps!

Steph - You are up!

Like Him or Not

Dr. Phil has an opinion on EVERYTHING. Even wedding planning.

Taken from his site is this handy dandy little planning guide. Some useful and others... well, I'm not sure about. 'Loving every idea for 15 minutes' could end up taking about a year when it comes to weddings.

Avoiding Wedding Disasters-The process of planning a wedding can often damage friendships, lead to arguments with in-laws, shatter hopes and cause huge power struggles. Dr. Phil says that when you're preparing for your special day, don't forget what it's really all about. Below is his advice on avoiding wedding disasters.


Don't give others too much power.
Sometimes brides-to-be feel the need to please others to ensure that their special day is a success. Often, giving in to the whims of family and friends can lead to disaster. "If you give someone enough power to ruin your day, isn't that your choice?" Dr. Phil asks. Don't say, "I do," just to please someone else. Remember that it's your day to shine.



Don't become "Bridezilla."
If you're obsessing over every little tiny detail, thinking about it all day and having nightmares about it at night, you can lose sight of what really matters. Focus on the fact that it's a day about the two of you creating a bond and a union.



Learn to ask for and accept help from loved ones.
Don't be afraid to invite your closest friends and family to help with some of the planning. To allow others to be a part of it can add to the joy of the occasion.



Don't be a 'money bully' or the victim of one.
Mom and Dad may feel that since they're footing the bill for the ceremony, that they have a lot of say in the planning. This can result in a power struggle if the bride-to-be has conflicting ideas. Dr. Phil tells one mother of the bride, "If you're going to give the wedding, give it. Don't ransom it." He tells the bride-to-be, "I would get married in a gunny sack under a tree before I would let somebody blackmail me with the money for a wedding."



Start with a budget.
The average cost of a wedding in America is $22,000. Come up with a budget for the wedding and do your best to stick to it. It's important not to burden your union together by starting out completely broke or in debt.



Focus on the bride.
Upcoming nuptials can be a critical time, and sometimes misunderstandings arise when friends and family get too emotional about the wedding planning process. Dr. Phil says, "When somebody's getting married, everybody needs to say, 'It's their day, and if I need to step to the side and give them this day, then it's a gift that I'm going to give.'"



View your wedding as a rite of passage.
In societies and cultures throughout the world, weddings are not only celebrations, they also symbolize rites of passage from childhood to adulthood. Dr. Phil advises couples who are about to walk down the aisle to be more independent and to take control of their lives. "There's a point where you have to say, 'It's my wedding. It's the beginning of my life, and I'm going to do what feels good and right to me,'" says Dr. Phil.



Love every idea for 15 minutes!
Don't get so dead set on having things your way that you refuse to listen to outside advice on planning your wedding. Dr. Phil urges brides-to-be to love every idea for 15 minutes. "If at the end of that time, it's just full of holes, then OK," he says. "But at least give it a chance and really get excited about it for 15 minutes." If the other person has good intentions, weigh carefully what they have to say.



Take a break.
Declare some days wedding free, where discussing the wedding is off limits. Go out and have some fun, decompress, and remember why you fell in love with your partner to begin with. If you don't take some time off from the planning, you may not even enjoy the big day once it gets there.



Have a sense of humor about it.
Don't go into this with the expectation of perfection or you're guaranteed to be disappointed. Things may go wrong, and probably will. Remember to laugh about it. These are the memories and stories you will tell your grandchildren someday.



**Plan the marriage too.**
Don't forget that the wedding lasts one day, while the marriage lasts the rest of your life. Spend at least an equal amount of time planning the union that you and your partner hope to have for years to come. Discuss religion, children, careers, division of labor, in-laws and geography with your partner.



Shift your focus.
If your big day already occurred and it was a less-than-perfect event, Dr. Phil gives advice on letting go of the past. "Refocus on what did go right that day," he says. "You did stand up in church. You did make a covenant before God to be life partners. A lot of wonderful things flowed from that." So if your bridesmaid was a no show or your wedding cake was stale, try to concentrate more on the good things.

As a side note I wonder if his staff can create before and after photos of the Bridezilla transformation for brides like they did with the family of crack addicts. This is you before crack, on crack, five years on crack, etc... This is you engaged, now Bridezilla, this is you left at the alter friendless... you get my drift.