The Afghan Wedding Industry

I'm back to wedding blogging! I'm settling in to my hotel room in rather bland Northern Virginia suburb and on a cold rainy day like today my mind drifts to thoughts of warm spring days (which are nice days for weddings!).

I think so much about the American wedding industry and how it's sort of destroying the fun and family elements of a wedding and turn it into a credit card monstrosity. Recently I came across an article in the New York Times about weddings in Afghanistan:

KABUL JOURNAL
Big Weddings Bring Afghans Joy, and Debt
By KIRK SEMPLE
Published: January 14, 2008
In one of the poorest countries in the world, extravagant weddings are a mainstay of modern life.

There's so much pressure to conform to the wedding traditions there, especially in the years since the Taliban fell. The Taliban had outlawed many elements of the festive traditional wedding, so now there's even more pressure to bring those elements back into weddings, as part of a celebration of freedom.

I can be all for a big traditional family event. But in Afghanistan the burden of paying for the wedding, prewedding parties, and a "reverse dowry" falls on the groom. The average yearly salaries are under $10,000 yet a "budget" wedding comes in around $12,000. What do you do when tradition is utterly impractical? The large, lavish wedding is often dictated by the bride's family and it's a way for the groom to show his status within the community. What's ironic is the groom often needs to borrow money and starts off married life in debt, which seems like a way to instantly lose some of your status. He's done all this work to prove to the bride and her family that he's worthy... and then can't pay the regular household expenses afterward. It all seems so backwards.

Reading the article really puts an American wedding into perspective. We're so lucky to have the freedom to say "No!" to the traditional wedding trappings if we want to. (No matter what your family pressure may be, you really do have that choice.) Yet we are still pressured, even if it's subliminal, by advertisements or the sense of living up to others' expectations. And we don't, and shouldn't, have to start our married lives in debt due to wedding expenses.

(Image from the New York Times)

Honeymoon's Over

Literally. We got home on Thursday night, exhausted and with minor colds. We've spent the weekend going over the photos and regaling everyone we talk to with tales of our trip. (In between all the naps.)
Here we are in Salzburg:

Our full album is here.

We ate too much cheese and sausage and drank a little too much beer and wine. We actually managed to lose a few pounds due to all the walking. We spent some long nights in bad sleeping quarters, but some romantic nights on nice walks and in good restaurants.

In Poland, we saw several countryside weddings happening on a Saturday as we were walking and bussing around. In Zakopane, at a historic old church near my cousin's guesthouse, we happened upon one of these weddings. When you have your wedding at a public historic landmark I guess you have to expect a few tourists to drop in. We of course did not go inside the church, but many people outside were milling around in their traditional highland clothes. Weddings are an event for the whole town here. My cousins told us of their neighbor's daughter's wedding, a 3-day event. The church ceremony was one day. The next was a party for the family. Then a party for the whole neighborhood. Now, that's a way to celebrate!

Wedding at the old wooden church in Zakopane.

In Krakow, we saw some hilarious examples of a photographer's wedding photos. A couple photoshopped to be standing in a gigantic champagne glass.

In Edinburgh, custom-made kilt suits seem to fuel the bridal industry craziness. I also saw some gorgeous Caroline Castiglione wedding gowns there when we came across her showroom on one of the few uncrowded streets.

Back to reality now. One more day of lounging around the house before returning to work tomorrow. Summer's over, and the fall wedding season is upon us!

(Clicking on any photo will take you to larger versions on flickr.)

Groom's Cake

The Groom's Cake, long a Southern tradition, didn't start out as a cake simply depicting the groom's interest. Did you know that long ago according to folklore it was a fruitcake sliced and boxed up at the end of a wedding and given to the single women to take home. Once home they could put it under their pillow and dream of the man who would be their future spouse.

Today, the Groom's Cake is no longer just a Southern tradition. Brides all over are embracing this idea and using it as a gift, surprise, or a way to illustrate the groom's interest and personality during the wedding or rehearsal dinner. While chocolate cake is still the most popular flavor, red velvet comes in a close second. Sports teams, college mascots, and all manner of interests are created and represented on these cakes. It can also be a great way for the couple to combine something they both love and have it depicted on the cake. Wedding guests will enjoy taking a peek at this representation of the groom in a day that is typically all about the bride.

Whether you serve it at the rehearsal dinner or during the wedding doesn't matter, it's your choice. The only rules that apply are these. If the Groom's cake is served at the rehearsal dinner it should be a flavor that is the groom's favorite. If the cake is served at the wedding it should be one that offsets the wedding cake. Something rich and chocolatey or seasonal and decadent.

Look over some of these fabulous sites for ideas and pictures. Makes me want to go out and just buy a cake all for myself!

Jody's Pantry
Dianes Cakes and More
Austin Cake Lady