An Ugly Flashback

Along the same lines as the last post, just in the hideously ugly category, here's a nice showcase of some truly awful bridesmaid dresses.



I would like to think that dresses have come a long way in style and sensibility. Then you find things like this...

Princess Gowns

We here at Flaming Tulle missed the boat in terms of the excitement of Disney princess inspired gowns last spring. (I was a little busy with my own gown. And we both dislike Disney.) So, here you go. Disney Bridal. I think they are nice gowns, but don't see what's so princess inspired about them, other than the fact that all wedding gowns are supposed to make a woman feel like a princess. They are the top of the totem pole for Disney branding. A baby girl can sleep in her Disney princess nightgown from birth, then get married in her Disney princess gown. (And you have kids, more lil' Disney consumers!) At least the prices aren't so bad though. That's a pleasant surprise.

But take a look at some real princess gowns.

Princess Diana


Princess Grace


Too bad only about 5 people in the world can afford those kinds of princess dresses. I'm pretty sure, though, that you can find a nice, affordable wedding dress without the Disney princess branding.

Al Roker + Martha Stewart + You

Some of you who read my regular blog, Where in the World Am I?, probably know of my love-hate relationship with the Today Show. I can't help but be sucked in to their latest Today Show Throws a Wedding feature. This year they've joined up with Martha Stewart. I wish I had a Martha Stewart wedding! I might even be willing to go on tv for it! (But Mike would never have gone for that.)

I've been a sucker for their previous weddings on tv. I look at the gowns and flowers and vote online. I watch the big day broadcast, foolishly teary-eyed. I can't help it.

I'm already married, but some of you aren't, so you can sign up online to be one of Martha Stewart's perfect brides: Would you like to get married on Today?

You don't have to go anywhere near Martha Stewart to take advantage of some of the goods. If you're feeling adventurous, join Al Roker (because, really, who better to cover wedding dresses?) to Grab a free wedding dress. Las Vegas was this morning. For the rest of the week, check out Al in Miami, Chicago, and New York.

And let us know if you go for it! We'd love to catch a glimpse of a reader, or see her entire wedding, on tv!

(Pic from MSNBC.com)

Engaged & Underaged, revisited

Recently someone claiming to be Josh from an episode of Engaged and Underaged commented on my post about the show. If it really is Josh, then thanks for your comment and I hope life and marriage really are better for you and Bre than portrayed on the show. And I invite the two of you to continue reading and commenting.

I maintain, though, that it is just one of many wedding shows that portray young women (and men) negatively.

Shoes

Any bride out there who thinks she can wear sneakers or flip-flops to her wedding because "no one will see them anyway," think again. Your feet will be seen. In the photographs of you getting ready. When you're walking. When you're sitting down. When you dance. And you do those things a lot over the course of the wedding. It's not all standing at the altar and standing for portraits.

If you are wearing a sundress for a beach ceremony, then yes, certain flip-flops are acceptable. If you are an Olympic gold medalist in track and field, then sneakers may qualify as whimsical. But if you are wearing a long wedding gown and your groom is wearing a suit or tux, then your event is formal enough to warrant nice shoes. (Are you making your bridal party wear nice shoes? Then you should suck it up and do it, too.)

They don't need to be high heels, and they shouldn't be if they'll make you physically uncomfortable. There are millions of nice flats and sandals on the market, and in all price points, so there's really no excuse for not finding a pair.

I had the same attitude and I was agonizing over my shoe choices. But ultimately I'm glad I took the time to find the right pair of sandals. Comfortable, a little bit of heel. (And ubiquitous enough as a white summer sandal that I will wear again.) My photographer loved them, loved my toenail polish color, and loved my ankle tattoo, so lots of pictures were taken of that area that I thought no one would see. And you know what? One of my favorite pictures from the evening is of my foot! I was going to wait and publish this post once I have all the jpgs to sort through and I could include my favorite shoe photo. But Mike and I found my foot on our photographer's website last night. It's the bottom right photo. See? That's why you should wear nice shoes for your wedding.

Like Him or Not

Dr. Phil has an opinion on EVERYTHING. Even wedding planning.

Taken from his site is this handy dandy little planning guide. Some useful and others... well, I'm not sure about. 'Loving every idea for 15 minutes' could end up taking about a year when it comes to weddings.

Avoiding Wedding Disasters-The process of planning a wedding can often damage friendships, lead to arguments with in-laws, shatter hopes and cause huge power struggles. Dr. Phil says that when you're preparing for your special day, don't forget what it's really all about. Below is his advice on avoiding wedding disasters.


Don't give others too much power.
Sometimes brides-to-be feel the need to please others to ensure that their special day is a success. Often, giving in to the whims of family and friends can lead to disaster. "If you give someone enough power to ruin your day, isn't that your choice?" Dr. Phil asks. Don't say, "I do," just to please someone else. Remember that it's your day to shine.



Don't become "Bridezilla."
If you're obsessing over every little tiny detail, thinking about it all day and having nightmares about it at night, you can lose sight of what really matters. Focus on the fact that it's a day about the two of you creating a bond and a union.



Learn to ask for and accept help from loved ones.
Don't be afraid to invite your closest friends and family to help with some of the planning. To allow others to be a part of it can add to the joy of the occasion.



Don't be a 'money bully' or the victim of one.
Mom and Dad may feel that since they're footing the bill for the ceremony, that they have a lot of say in the planning. This can result in a power struggle if the bride-to-be has conflicting ideas. Dr. Phil tells one mother of the bride, "If you're going to give the wedding, give it. Don't ransom it." He tells the bride-to-be, "I would get married in a gunny sack under a tree before I would let somebody blackmail me with the money for a wedding."



Start with a budget.
The average cost of a wedding in America is $22,000. Come up with a budget for the wedding and do your best to stick to it. It's important not to burden your union together by starting out completely broke or in debt.



Focus on the bride.
Upcoming nuptials can be a critical time, and sometimes misunderstandings arise when friends and family get too emotional about the wedding planning process. Dr. Phil says, "When somebody's getting married, everybody needs to say, 'It's their day, and if I need to step to the side and give them this day, then it's a gift that I'm going to give.'"



View your wedding as a rite of passage.
In societies and cultures throughout the world, weddings are not only celebrations, they also symbolize rites of passage from childhood to adulthood. Dr. Phil advises couples who are about to walk down the aisle to be more independent and to take control of their lives. "There's a point where you have to say, 'It's my wedding. It's the beginning of my life, and I'm going to do what feels good and right to me,'" says Dr. Phil.



Love every idea for 15 minutes!
Don't get so dead set on having things your way that you refuse to listen to outside advice on planning your wedding. Dr. Phil urges brides-to-be to love every idea for 15 minutes. "If at the end of that time, it's just full of holes, then OK," he says. "But at least give it a chance and really get excited about it for 15 minutes." If the other person has good intentions, weigh carefully what they have to say.



Take a break.
Declare some days wedding free, where discussing the wedding is off limits. Go out and have some fun, decompress, and remember why you fell in love with your partner to begin with. If you don't take some time off from the planning, you may not even enjoy the big day once it gets there.



Have a sense of humor about it.
Don't go into this with the expectation of perfection or you're guaranteed to be disappointed. Things may go wrong, and probably will. Remember to laugh about it. These are the memories and stories you will tell your grandchildren someday.



**Plan the marriage too.**
Don't forget that the wedding lasts one day, while the marriage lasts the rest of your life. Spend at least an equal amount of time planning the union that you and your partner hope to have for years to come. Discuss religion, children, careers, division of labor, in-laws and geography with your partner.



Shift your focus.
If your big day already occurred and it was a less-than-perfect event, Dr. Phil gives advice on letting go of the past. "Refocus on what did go right that day," he says. "You did stand up in church. You did make a covenant before God to be life partners. A lot of wonderful things flowed from that." So if your bridesmaid was a no show or your wedding cake was stale, try to concentrate more on the good things.

As a side note I wonder if his staff can create before and after photos of the Bridezilla transformation for brides like they did with the family of crack addicts. This is you before crack, on crack, five years on crack, etc... This is you engaged, now Bridezilla, this is you left at the alter friendless... you get my drift.

Honeymoon!

Every couple deserves one, whether it's a quiet long weekend at an inn in Vermont or lounging around on a tropical beach for a week. You need some relaxing time alone together after all the wedding planning stress is behind you and all the family members have gone home.

You may have noticed that Mike and I didn't take off for ours right away. That is because as much as we talked to each other about what we want to do, we didn't actually get around to talking to a travel agent about it until after the wedding. Many people will tell you this is a big mistake. I'd say it is if you are on an extremely tight budget and are trying to take a trip you really can't afford. But if you are procrastinators like we are who have decent-to-good travel luck, it's not so bad. Yes, the prices are a bit higher since it's short notice during a busy travel season. But we have a limited amount of vacation time and this is what we really want to do. (And we were realistic with our estimates so the prices haven't been a surprise.)

For 3 weeks in August we'll be dirty backpackers in Europe! Not completely traveling off the cuff like real dirty backpackers should, since at this time of year planes and trains need to be booked in advance or else you get stranded. I like to know each night where my bed will be. (That's not too much to ask, is it?) We gave a travel agent a somewhat wonky itinerary ranging from Zakopane, Poland, to Salzburg to Edinburgh and she's working her magic. We're staying at a guest house in Zakopane, where we'll hike in the Carpathian Mountains. We're taking an overnight train ride, in a sleeper car, from Krakow to Vienna. Bussing through Bavaria. Sleeping at a hostel in Edinburgh. We like hiking in mountains and seeing old buildings, and we'll get to do a lot of it.

Hmmm, I see some travel tips posts in our future... :)

Children at Weddings -- from Stephanie

Vicky asked me to do a follow-up post on this subject because for Mike and me it was a no brainer that kids would be at our wedding. All but one of the children were cousins who had been to big family parties before and knew a lot of people there, which made them comfortable. There was one baby present, but we didn't even think about him crying and "ruining" the ceremony. If he cried, who cares? He's a baby and that's what they do sometimes. (He was perfectly quiet.) Instead of putting pressure on flower girls, we gave each girl the option of walking down the aisle or sitting with their parents. I made them all matching bouquets, but we didn't care what they were wearing.

I think if kids are going to be there, and participating as guests rather than in a separate room with a baby-sitter, it's important that the wedding is a good place for kids. Our ceremony was outside and the grounds stayed open all night for the kids to keep running around in the grass. And kids love dancing, so when it got too dark for them to play outside, they came in and danced. Cost-wise, our caterer offered meals for $10 less for kids under 9, and kids under 2 were no charge. They made slightly less food for the kids in the headcount. Ask your caterer about similar options.

I think that organized ringbearers and flower girls are set-up for failure. I've seen flower girls crash and burn, even the ones who are so super-excited to be flower girls. Until it's time to actually walk down the aisle in front of everyone. It's a lot of pressure for young kids. And it's impossible to keep them clean. Why do you want to worry about keeping kids clean when you've already got plenty of other things to worry about on wedding day? And they squiggle around in pictures, not able to stand still for the photography session.

I think that some weddings are not appropriate for children. Very formal weddings, for instance. And I'm sorry, but Las Vegas weddings. (I just don't think Las Vegas is as family-friendly as they tried to make themselves seem.) And it's up to the bride and groom to make that clear. If you really don't want kids there, be firm. (Although, I was at Vicky's Vegas wedding and I don't even remember any kids being there. Either they were so well behaved they melted into the background or, you know, it was a Vegas wedding and memories tend to be fuzzy about them.)

Have children at your wedding because you love them and you have a good attitude about the silly things they do. Don't have them there if you're a control freak who's worried about children ruining your good time, or because you just don't think a wedding is an appropriate place for children.

Wee Ones or No Wee Ones-Children at Weddings

Deciding on whether or not to have children at your wedding can be a big one. If you love kids and/or have a lot of friends or family with children then it could be a no-brainer. What if you are not so enamored of little ones running around and you are a more into a controlled atmosphere for your wedding? How do you break it to the families that part of their family is persona non grata at your affair?

I myself ran into this dilemma when I got married. I didn’t want flower girls or ring bearers. Some of my family members had children and so did my future husbands. I lucked out though that many of them were over the age of 12 and knew that the cake wasn’t for flinging. I wish someone had told some of the over 25 crowd that! I worried about the few that were under five and in the end decided to just go with it and let the cake fall where it may. It worked out just fine. I agonized for naught.

However, we’ve all heard those stories of nightmarish kids. Weddings can be late night soirees not compatible with your cousin’s four month old. You know she desperately wants a night out but that baby will be along for the ride. So what’s a girl to do?

First, think about your wedding. It is your day. Not your day to act like a spoiled child yourself, but if the possibility of crying from someone other than your or fiancée bothers you then you should probably nix the idea of kids at your wedding. Look at it this way. You could save money on food by not providing that extra plate that might only be picked at anyway. If you forgo kids be prepared to have the invited guests with kids to be upset. Explain to them calmly how you feel, remembering not to use the phrase “screaming brats”. If possible find a babysitting service nearby that will take care of the tots at the hotel where your guests are staying. You can either pay for this yourself or let the parents know it is available and what the cost is. This always earns a gold star in my book.

Second, if you decide to have the wee ones at your wedding then be prepared for outbursts, unpredictable behavior and scenes as well as some pretty darn cute moments. Dressing up the tots in party clothes and having them hang out all day or late into the night is not always conducive to pleasant children. Plan to have activities for the kids or a room solely for them to play in during the ceremony and/or the reception. Many reception places are willing to accommodate this request and may even have a sitting service on hand to recommend. Ask your caterer if they can provide a kid-friendly meal if that is a concern. Our featured bride Ashley is including that in her reception. Having all these extras costs money, but if you can afford it and it means piece of mind for you and the possibility of more fun for the parents then go for it.

Remember to think all this through as you create your guest list. Your goal is to not just have a beautiful oh -so -you wedding but for you to remain as sane and bridezilla free as possible so go with the decision that will ensure that.

Useful links

Children and Weddings
Kits for Kids
Wedding Favors for Kids

Recap--Cake and Dancing

Our photos still aren't ready for public viewing. So, more text here. Briefly, after dinner, people did some toasts and Mike got up and thanked everyone for coming. Then cake time! It was very low-key. We didn't play a song, there was no smashing of the cake in each others' faces (I hate that so much.). We had a flourless chocolate cake that we decorated with some flowers. We also served glasses of milk with the cake. We cut the cake, gave each other a bite, then poured goblets of milk and "cheered" each other. It made for some cute photos.

A few minutes later, when we noticed people were finished with their cake and starting to get antsy, we put on the dance playlist. (We did all ipod playlists with one friend in charge of queueing them up.) With no special announcements, Mike and I went onto the dancefloor, our friend started the first song on the list, and we danced. Our first song was Bruce Springsteen's "Thunder Road." We had told some people that we didn't want to dance the whole song by ourselves, so when it started to rock out in the middle, my maid of honor got a bunch of guests out on the floor to join us. And then we just put the playlist on shuffle and let people rock on for the rest of the night!

I had worked hard on our dance playlist and was very happy with everyone's reaction and the amount of dancing that went on. It's not full of particularly weddingy/romantic songs. Just really good party songs. Some highlights:

Take On Me, a-ha
Dancing Queen, ABBA
Mamma Mia, ABBA
Private Idaho, The B-52's
Here, There and Everywhere, The Beatles
Stayin' Alive, Bee Gees
You & Me & The Bottle Makes 3 Tonight, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Heart of Glass, Blondie
Just Like Heaven, The Cure
Young Americans, David Bowie
You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You, Dean Martin
Crocodile Rock, Elton John
Oh L'Amour, Erasure
Chains Of Love, Erasure
Slow Ride, Foghat
Sweet Child O' Mine, Guns N' Roses
Don't You Want Me, The Human League
Love Will Tear Us Apart, Joy Division
Groove Me, King Floyd
Bizarre Love Triangle, New Order
If You Leave, OMD
Walkin' After Midnight, Patsy Cline
Always on My Mind, Pet Shop Boys
In Your Eyes, Peter Gabriel
Such Great Heights, The Postal Service
Don't You (Forget About Me), Simple Minds
Ball and Chain, Social Distortion
Hell, Squirrel Nut Zippers
My Best Friend, Weezer

Recap--Ceremony and Dinner

I haven't wanted to share too many details of the rest of the wedding until I have wonderful photographs to illustrated them with. We have the photos. But they are not ready for public viewing yet. (We've been loving looking at them though!) So, there's lots of fodder for future posts, once those photos are ready. For the time being...

The ceremony. We had four little girls present and gave them each bouquets and the option to sit with their parents or walk down the aisle with us. Two of my younger cousins decided to walk down the aisle. So we sent them down, then my cousin and Mike's brother, who were the maid of honor and best man. Then Mike and I walked down hand in hand! (We walked down the aisle to the first 30 seconds or so of Loquasto International Film Festival, by Mark Mothersbaugh from the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou soundtrack.) Our officiant was a friend that Mike's known since college and I've known for almost as long as I've known Mike. He said some very nice things about us and how we met (including how it's all Vicky's husband's doing). Then Mike and I read our vows to each other. We exchanged rings. We kissed. The end. Maybe took 20 minutes!

I think it was after the ceremony that the photographer took some portraits of us with our families. They were pretty casual. And we did them on the grass right next to the ceremony site so other guests could take pictures, or just watch with their drinks and appetizers in hand. We weren't sequestered away for any length of time.

Finally it was dinner time! I realized suddenly I was starving. People had been putting glasses of water in my hand all evening long, but no one brought me any of the yummy-looking appetizers I had so painstakingly selected. Tiny twice-baked potatoes with sour cream and mini apple-chicken sausages with crushed peanuts. I arrived at our table to find the servers had left a plate of them just for us! I will rave about our caterer, Serves You Right, fully at a later time. But the food was amazing! And serving went smoothly. Since we only had about 50 guests, no one had to wait too long for their turn at the buffet. Full guests equal happy guests. Mike and I had a sweetheart table. I hate that name, but loved the concept. It allowed us to have some quiet time to actually eat and enjoy our food. We were first in line for the buffet! And servers took care of us well, bringing glasses of lemonade and champagne and water. (I drank so much water! And only half a glass of champagne the whole night!)

I think that's all I've got in me right now. Reliving the night is exhausting!

Recap--Getting Dressed

Well, I didn't mean for that dramatic pause to last for so long. But you know how life is. Have a wedding. Then have your debit card stolen, and your tub drain get clogged, and your husband go away on a business trip then come home and start puking.

So, Mike realized he forgot his tux shirt! I was in the bathroom. He made a snap decision to just drive back all the way home himself rather than have a guest bring another shirt, send someone back to our house, stop at a mall and buy a new shirt, etc. The drive generally takes an hour one-way at that time of day. It was a Monday, remember, and at 5 pm there is killer rush hour traffic.

As soon as Mike announced the missing shirt I felt strangely calm. That was it. That's what we forgot. We might start late, but if that's the worst that happens, that's not so bad. I was thinking, well, there will just be a little less time for dancing. We had already arranged for appetizers and the bar to be available before the ceremony, so guests would have plenty of food and drink to keep them busy.

I decided not to get dressed right away, since I suddenly had some more time. I went out to greet some guests who had arrived early, friends of Mike's from work who enjoyed hearing about him zooming home to get the shirt. (They take aggressive driving training for their jobs and were certain Mike was using his skills to speed and weave throughout traffic.)

Finally it was time for me to get dressed. Since hair and makeup was all done, all I had to do really was step into the dress. My mom helped me. Then the photographer came in while I freshened up my hair a bit and added my tiara. She had a lot of time to photograph me without Mike and she loved the stone wall finish in the salon, so spent a lot of time there. I felt so princessy. And it was fun. I enjoyed being the center of attention more than I thought I would.

Since we had planned on being dressed and greeting our guests together (i.e., I wasn't going to stayed sequestered away in secret until the ceremony), I went out to face everyone while waiting for Mike. It was so amazing! Everyone's reaction to the dress and me in it. Again, I felt princessy and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

At 5:55 pm, about 5 minutes before the official start of the wedding (the time the bar opens), I noticed the shuttle bus arriving with the majority of guests. Then I felt a whoosh and saw a blur. It was Mike with his shirt! He had pulled in right behind the bus and was running to the bathroom to get changed. (The photographer got a great shot of this blur of Mike running through the door.) Mike made the trip in 55 minutes, round trip! He was all dressed and ready just as the shuttle bus folks were approaching the front door of the venue, so very few people even knew there had been a problem. It was amazing. We could greet everyone and be smiling and happy and laughing with everyone.