Featured Bride Ashley- Creating New Holiday Traditions

The holiday season is the time to get together with friends and family. Now that you are engaged and in full wedding planning mode you realize that you have to now plan around two families. It's not just your own that you celebrate with now. We asked Ashley, our Featured Bride, to tell us how she and her fiance Brad are dealing with this.

Vicky- Since you and Brad have been together how do you celebrate the holidays?

Ashley- For the last few years Thanksgiving has been a combined family event. With both sets of parents and my sister and brother-in-law close it has been easy to spend the holidays together. This year my mom cooked most of Thanksgiving dinner. Heather and John, Brad and I, Nancy, and Millie and Oz all went over to my mom and dad’s house. Everyone brought something to dinner so mom wasn’t overwhelmed. Millie and Oz had to travel the farthest (15 miles). It was really laid back between the appetizers, dinner, football, conversation and desert. The ladies chatted and naturally the men spent the day watching football. Two were even caught napping between dinner and desert but I won’t name any names (Brad and John).

I’m thinking until I get a bigger house, it will probably be like that unless someone else opts to host dinner. Mom and Dad have a big house that is open and works well for entertaining so everyone has room to move and the parking is really easy, not so much at my house.

V- It seems as if you and Brad have mastered Thanksgiving pretty well. It's nice that the families combine so easily. What about Christmas?

A- Christmas has also been pretty much the same for the last few years. On Christmas Eve, my family and Brad go over to the Lucke’s Christmas Party (friends of the family) for a few hours. I typically wave good-bye around 10:15 as I have to head off to the church to be part of the church choir for midnight mass at 11. After church we all head home and sleep (yea right its Christmas eve – who can sleep?!).

On Christmas morning Brad and I head over to my parent’s house for brunch and presents. Later that day we head up to Brad’s parents house for dinner and presents. This works well for Heather and John (Ashely's sister and BIL)as they go down to John’s parent’s house for dinner on Christmas Day. John’s parents always go up to New Jersey to see family on Thanksgiving so it isn’t an issue for them. I guess we are lucky that both sets of parents live close. I think it will work that way until someone else comes up with another idea of how they want to do the holidays.

V- Wow! That's great! Have you started any new traditions together?

A- The only new tradition we have is that on Christmas Day at my parent’s house, we put everyone’s names in a hat and pick a name. On New Years day we get together and give our “New Years Baby Present” to the person we chose out of the hat. You are only allowed to spend the amount of what the upcoming year is (i.e. $20.08 for next year) and the presents have to be fun. It’s like a Secret Santa but for New Years. I actually started that tradition about 5 or 6 years ago.

V- That is a good idea! It's nice to hear that not everyone has family issues with the holidays which can cause added stress on the engaged couple. Any new developments on the wedding front? What's coming up as we enter into 2008?

A- As far as planning for the wedding, we have a lot to accomplish in the next few months. I’m waiting for my mom’s revised guest list. I told her to consider removing some names – we were over 200 people on the list already.and we need to order the invitations in the next 2 weeks.

In December I have to call the florist to set up an appointment. I am waiting on a call back from my priest so we can finish the church requirements. We have to find out the results of our communication tool and to set the order for actual ceremony. Once that is done I have to see my music director about the music for the ceremony but she is in full on Christmas mode so I will meet with her after the holidays are over. I’m not worried she is my music director and my vocal teacher.

My first dress fitting needs to be arranged in January. I’ve started putting together a rough bridal registry which we will do just after the first of the year. Plus there is so much more! I guess I’m not really stressed because I’m focused on Christmas right now.

V- Well, let us know what we can do here for you and me personally. I am a bridesmaid after all! At least you aren't having any new wedding nightmares! We will check back with you after the holidays and talk about that registry!

Say Yes to the Dress- Recap- Part Deux

I know. How can I possibly keep watching this show? My husband cringes, mutters under his breath and leaves the room when Say Yes to the Dress comes on the TV. I DVR it now and watch it when he's not around. Why do I continue to watch a show with absolutely no plot, no fascinating characters, no drama (they try but ehh) and is basically a veritable white-out on screen?

Simply put, I love wedding gowns. All types. Even the ugly ones. I like to see the new styles and I even like the crinkly sound the plastic bags make when they are plucked from the warehouse racks. I could care less if Claudia is fired or what sort of drama might be happening in Audrey's life to make her hair look so disheveled at times. I admit I do love Keasha. I would want her helping me find my dress. The brides themselves are boring. Even that Dad who was convinced another girl had his daughters dress. Relax dude. Heads do not need to roll over a dress! To me they are just the bit players and the real star of the show is obviously the dress. Do I care that it is just one big advertisement for Kleinfeld's? Not really. It is but I'm never going there. I wouldn't because a.) I don't live in NY and b.) I think it's stupid to FLY to buy a dress from a store that doesn't actually MAKE your dress. If they MADE dresses it would be a different story. Their designers? Whatever. Go to Italy. Go to David's Bridal. Do what you can and want.

Speaking of that what is with all these brides choosing that corset Like A Virgin dress? Ugh. I want to propel myself into their living rooms in 2025 and ask them if they still think they should have said yes to that dress. Talk about dating themselves. It's going to be like one of those pearl drop headpieces circa 1986 looking back at them with a puff-sleeved dress. No one looked good in that. Not even Laura Spencer on General Hospital. I digress though.

I keep watching Say Yes to the Dress. I won't miss it when it's gone but it's a nice filler while folding laundry late at night. Wedding gowns are a thing of beauty and dreams. They are wishful thinking and transformations. It cheers me to see families cry over a thing of beauty that is their child in a massive piece of "crinkled paper" confection. I love seeing the grandmothers from the old country see their American grand-daughter all decked out. In this way I'm a total sucker for sap.

Creating the Guest List

Yeah! You are engaged! Congratulations! Now let’s get started on planning that wedding! One of the first things you and your affianced need to consider is the guest list. Why? Simply put you need to know how many people might be at this shindig to determine your budget and other items such as space size for the ceremony, the reception and a head count for the caterers. So how do you pair down that guest list when you and your joint families want to invite everyone from the dog walker to your elementary school teacher?

First, keep a level head. Everyone on both sides of each of your families is excited about this big event. They want to invite everyone just like you do to share in this special day. That is all well and good if you have an unlimited budget. Traditionally whoever foots the bill for the wedding has the most say but these days with the couple and the families pitching in it makes this line a bit more blurred. If you are like most people you need to be a bit more realistic and the guest list is a great place to start. Do you want a small or a large wedding? Have you picked a venue? How many people can it hold? Stick to your guns about this if at all possible. I mean it. If you can’t afford a large wedding don’t run yourself into debt just so your fiancé’s third cousin’s old school chum can join in the fun. Ditto for those friends you haven’t seen or kept in touch with in the last few years.

Go ahead and use The Knot’s Guest List Manager and fill out the easy to use template. It helped me a great deal. It’s a great way to actually see who you want to invite, who your families want to attend and divide the guest list up in concise lists. It even allows you to update RSVP’s. It also helps you out in putting people in categories like the A list, B list and C list. Harsh perhaps but it works. My mother wanted to invite great aunts and uncles who I hadn’t seen since the age of four and they immediately were deemed C list. What is also great about a template like this is that when someone from the A list RSVP’s no you can immediately invite a B list person and no one is the wiser. You will be amazed how your small wedding balloons to a rather large affair so having this type of template really keeps one organized.

You can also look at your guest list in another way. Keep all the family on the list and start pairing down your colleagues and/or friends. Sure it would be nice to invite each college roommate you ever had, but if you haven’t talked to them in the last few years it will be alright if the invite isn’t extended. They will understand. It might be nice to invite that fun guy from accounting but he won’t be offended if he doesn’t get to enjoy the Electric Slide during your reception. You can also eliminate children if you want to go that route. This might take care of some parents as well. Again stick to your guns if you say no to children or it could cause a major conflict on the big day.

The best thing to do is to know that this is one of the hardest parts about planning your wedding. Do it early and be steadfast. Sit down with your fiancé and make your lists. Ask your individual families to create their list. Call this a wish list if you must because these lists will be a compilation of everyone you would just love to have at your event. Then pick a number that you can afford to have at the event and begin pairing it down. It might prove easier than you think. Always go over the lists with your fiancé and keep in touch with your families on the updated lists. If needed ask your families not to extend verbal invitations to anyone. That is an easy way to create drama later.

Finally, remember this as you begin your guest list overhaul. A wedding is a celebration of your love for each other but it is not supposed to make you bankrupt nor is it the time or place to catch up with people you haven’t seen since pre-school or your high school drama club. Save that for actual reunions.

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Trash the Dress!

Recently I participated in Trash the Dress, a growing project that many photographers are taking part in. Now worldwide Trash the Dress is typically done the week after a wedding has taken place. The bride gets back into ‘the’ dress and well, trashes it. Photos are done in water, under water, in the dirt or just plain out in the open without a care as to what happens to the dress. There’s even been a dumpster dive. When a photographer friend of mine asked me to take part in this fun project I was eager to help out.

Not wanting to use my own dress, and quite frankly I don’t think it still fits, I opted instead to lay waste to some of the bridesmaids dresses that appear to be breeding in the back of my closet. Out came the sage colored two-piece, the red empire waited gown and a black gauzy number. I really wanted these dresses to go out with a bang. That red one could have been set on fire and I wouldn’t have minded. We set out on a chilly fall day for the local marina and immediately got down to business.

I climbed trees, laid on fallen logs and felt a bit like Narcissus as I glanced at my reflection in the still waters. I dropped into some foliage and rolled around a bit and even lay on a dock with some scary geese fast approaching. It was fun. OK, it was more than fun. When else can I traipse around in formal wear, full makeup, and up do and my Chuck Taylors? Seeing as I’m not a fashion model, I would venture to say, never. It was cold but it was all in the name of art right? One thing though. That green ensemble was pretty much dirt repellent. It is back in the closet waiting for take two of Trash the Dress and warmer weather. Not a speck of dirt stuck to it. Unbelievable.

What I learned from this whole this, beyond the creativity and fun of it, is that it is a perfect opportunity to de-stress. Really what could be better after all that wedding hullabaloo than getting back into that dress and really getting out some florist aimed aggression? Maybe you just simply want to wear the dress one last time and this is a great chance to do so. That is a good enough reason for me. You can go to the Trash the Dress forum and find a local photographer near you and see how much you can trash that dress.






Photos done by Sarah Lynn Photography.



A great little bit about what Trash the Dress is all about.

This Charming Couple

Until we can get off our butts and post some real content, please enjoy some marriage advice from the 1950s! (Each part is just under 10 minutes each.)

Part One


Part Two


(I orginally found this at Prelinger Archives but I couldn't get their embedding code to work. YouTube to the rescue!)